


Not Just Your Average Lab Assistant

by r2d2grrl



Category: Captain America (Movies), Fantastic Four (Movieverse), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), The Losers (2010), Thor (Movies), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, BAMF Darcy Lewis, F/M, Friendship, Romance, Snark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-03 10:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r2d2grrl/pseuds/r2d2grrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When S.H.I.E.L.D. forces Jane, and by proxy, Darcy to relocate after the Chitauri attack, Darcy realizes her life isn't all she hoped it would be, following the events of New Mexico.  However, once the Avengers return to New York, things begin to happen and Darcy's world is turned upside down. A secret history, a budding romance, a kidnapping, attempted robbery, and the usual attempts to take over the world show S.H.I.E.L.D. and everyone else that Darcy is not just your average lab assistant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just another Manic Monday...

**Chapter 1: Just Another Manic Monday**

Darcy Lewis scowled as she punched the button for the 46th floor of Stark Tower.  She’d just gotten a call from her landlord to let her know that the tenant in the apartment above her had passed out with the water running in his bathtub and that water had leaked through the floor boards into her own apartment, leaving serious water damage. When she got home tonight, she’d have to assess the damages to her belongings and her landlord would assess the damage to the apartment and they’d have to work out a solution. Just what she fucking needed, dammit. Sure, her apartment in Williamsburg was a shit hole, but it was the best Darcy could get on her mediocre S.H.I.E.L.D. salary that didn’t involve a 2 hour commute to work.  The whole building smelled like the retirement home her grandmother had been in when she died, the windows were painted shut, and the hot water only worked occasionally, but it was home. Unfortunately.

When S.H.I.E.L.D. had asked (read _told)_ Jane and her to pack up their stuff, six months ago, Darcy had been excited about the prospect of moving to New York. The opportunity to have an awesome job and the chance to literally meet and work with superheroes.  So far, living in New York was the only one of those things she’d actually achieved.  Instead of remaining the full-time lab assistant to Jane, which she actually enjoyed--despite the quirks of working with someone obsessed with Science! the way Jane was--once she’d arrived in NY she was told she was going to be a file clerk for S.H.I.E.L.D.. Apparently, they didn’t think she had the skills or the capabilities to do anything else for them, but due to her knowledge of Thor, the Bifrost, and of S.H.I.E.L.D., they felt they had to give her a job.  This was both annoying and  depressing to Darcy, because she _knew_ she was more talented than they thought.

Nowadays, however, she was allowed to spend her mornings in the lab with Jane; mostly because the first two assistants they’d hired to replace Darcy had screwed up royally and Jane had fired them in piques of anger.  The first had forgotten to feed Jane--since more often than not, she was so focused on making Science! that she often forgot she required food--the end result being that Jane fainted in the lab and smacked her head pretty badly.  When she’d come to, she’d been pissed because she’d lost valuable Science! time and had forgotten the formula she’d been working on at the time of her fainting. The second had decided to reorganize Jane’s (but actually Darcy’’s) filing system to suit his own needs.  When Jane had spent three days looking for relocated data she’d needed to assemble parts for the Bifrost doorway, she’d lost it and screamed at the new assistant until he’d run away crying.

Jane had demanded that S.H.I.E.L.D. return Darcy to her. S.H.I.E.L.D. had refused, saying Darcy wasn’t qualified to work in the lab, since she was neither a scientist nor trained in a science field. After Jane had refused to check-in and share her findings with S.H.I.E.L.D. for three consecutive weeks, they’d come to a compromise.  Darcy would spend her mornings with Jane, making sure she was both fed and had managed some sleep, as well as helping to organize and collate data and then she’d spend her afternoons in a four foot by four foot cubicle in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s covert base.  Her afternoons usually consisted of copying, stapling, and filing, resulting in papercuts that hurt like _bitches_ and the desire the slam her head against her desk a few dozen times. _Daily_.

The worst part about her job situation was that her pay was so crap.  Factoring in commute time between Stark Tower and S.H.I.E.L.D.’s offices, Darcy worked a 10 hour day, yet she barely made enough money to cover her rent each month.  As it was, she’d lost fifteen pounds since she’d moved, simply because she was so broke, she couldn’t afford to buy junk food. Or any food really.  If it weren’t for the amazing cafeteria in Stark Tower, she would be living off ramen and canned soup, if she were lucky.  Genius that he was--though she’d yet to verify this herself--Tony Stark had realized that happy and healthy employees work better.  So he had a cafeteria built into Stark Tower and all employees ate for free. Whenever and whatever they wanted.  Darcy _technically_ wasn’t an employee, but she did have a security pass that she used to get to the labs and the restricted living area of the Tower, where Jane now resided, so she was able to access the awesome cafeteria.  As a result, she was able to get breakfast and lunch for free from Stark Tower.  Sometimes, she’d manage to grab an extra sandwich or a pastry or something that she could eat for dinner or over the weekends, but most of the time, she simply didn’t eat once she’d left the building.  It sucked, but unless S.H.I.E.L.D. decided to give her a raise, that was how it was gonna be.

Once the elevator arrived, _finally_ , Darcy stepped off and headed towards the lab space set aside for Jane and the Bifrost research. She managed to swipe her security pass along the scanner by the door without spilling the two jugs--because they were _way_ too big to simply be considered cups--of coffee before pushing the door open with her hip.  Not seeing her boss lady slash best friend slash errant scientist in the front room of the lab, Darcy headed back towards the back room, where the test equipment and the machinery to rebuild the Bifrost were located. As she walked in, Darcy could hear Jane muttering something to the soundtrack of clanking metal. Eyebrows raised, Darcy took in the sight of Jane, covered in some sort of sludgy substance elbows deep in a machine.  Jane’s hair, which had been in a ponytail when Darcy’d left for the coffee, was now half down and had four pencils shoved into it.

“ _Seriously?!_ I was gone for fifteen minutes. Fifteen! What the hell happened?” Darcy asked setting the coffee--and the pastries she’d nabbed for herself--down on an empty tabletop.

“Hmm? Oh, I realized that I might be able to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, which should solve some of the issues I had when I ran the trials last week. So I decided to go ahead and switch it so I can try and run more trials tonight.”

“Right. Cause that makes perfect sense to me. _Not_. But seriously Jane, how’d you get so--” Darcy gestured at Jane’s disheveled state, “--in fifteen minutes?” When Jane gave Darcy a blank look, Darcy sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “Right. Jane, when was the last time you slept? Was it last night?”

“I think so. Oh, no wait.  It was after I ate the rest of the Chinese food you brought me.”

“Jane that was three days ago.”

“Oh. Well, then three days ago, I guess.” Darcy sighed.

“Fine, forget the coffee, it’s time for you to go to bed.  Though I think a shower is definitely the first priority,“ Darcy said, eyeing the sludge on Jane’s hands and arms.

“What? No, I’m totally fine Darcy. Really, I don’t need to go to bed.”

“What day of the week is it?”

“Duh, Wednesday.”

“Jane, it’s Monday.  I brought you the Chinese food on Friday, just before I left for the weekend.”

“Oh.” Jane said, looking absolutely confused. “Are you sure it’s Monday?”

“Jarvis?  What day of the week is it?” Darcy asked the ceiling.

“It’s Monday, Miss Lewis.” 

“Thanks J-man.” Darcy said with a grin. Then she turned towards her boss and gave her _the look_. “Seriously, shower then bed. Now.” With a sigh, Jane nodded and headed towards the elevator which would take her up to the living quarters portion of Stark Tower.  Darcy knew that SI’s CEO, Pepper Potts, stayed there occasionally, when she was actually in town, but so far, all the other apartments in Stark Towers’ top five floors were unoccupied.  The Avengers had yet to make an appearance, and they definitely hadn’t had a sleepover.  Of course, considering the reconstruction had only finished up three months ago, it wasn’t really _that_ surprising. Just a little disappointing.

“Hey Jarvis?” Darcy couldn’t help looking at the ceiling every time she spoke to the AI.  It was a habit she hadn’t managed to break in the 5 months she’d been working in Stark Tower.

“Yes Miss Lewis?”

“When Jane wakes up, will you _please_ tell her to go to the cafeteria to get food before she comes back to the lab? And will you please _keep_ telling her until she actually goes? The pop tarts she had for breakfast so aren’t going to hold her over until I get back tomorrow morning and I don’t want her to make herself sick.”

“Of course, Miss Lewis. Would you like me to bar her entrance to the lab until she’s eaten?”

“You can do that?! Sweet! Yes please, that means she’ll have to get food.” Darcy fist pumped in excitement. “J-man, you are awesome.”

“Why thank you Miss Lewis,” Jarvis said, and to Darcy, he sure sounded awfully smug for a computer. Darcy grinned before making her way to her desk.  She glanced at the clock as she logged back into her computer and realized she only had another forty-five minutes before it was time to leave for S.H.I.E.L.D.. After scarfing down a muffin and downing half of what would have been Jane’s cup of coffee, she plugging in her iPod and tackled the sheafs of paper with data to be entered into spreadsheets.  By time she needed to leave for S.H.I.E.L.D., she’d managed to get through all but a few sheets of Jane’s latest data and notes. While her computer logged off, Darcy organized the stacks of paper on her desk into piles of importance so that tomorrow morning she could bust through them all.  

Grabbing her bag and her untouched barrel of coffee, she headed out, but not without stopping by the cafeteria for a salad and a sandwich to take with her. Thirty crowded and hectic minutes later saw her passing through the incredibly intense and super serious security hall to get into S.H.I.E.L.D.’s offices.  She spent the next two hours of her day sorting through a paperwork nightmare that had cropped up that morning. The paperwork was supposed to have been done by Agent Thompson, who oversaw Darcy’s work, mostly because she didn’t have the clearance level to be reading mission reports, but the moment she’d sat down at her desk, he’d dumped it and taken off.

 _Asshole,_ Darcy thought as she managed to fill out the necessary requisitions paperwork that had been missing from one of the mission reports.  Apparently a couple of high-up S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had gone MIA and had left their assignment in-box overflowing with the super-top-secret missions they were supposed to be taking care of.  In lieu of the two senior agents taking care of them, the missions had been pawned off on some junior agents who had then gone and fucked them all up, thus creating a paperwork SNAFU that made Darcy want to staple something to Agent Thompson’s forehead.... And possible tase him in the balls.

“Ahem.” Darcy heard Thompson clear his throat from the doorway of her cubicle, but as she was busy and he was a dick, she ignored him. “Ahem!” He tried again.  Darcy smirked slightly as she kept her head down while rifling through the papers to put them in order for filing. “Miss Lewis, I expect you to answer me when I call you.”

“Well, _if_ you were to call me, I’d see your name on my caller ID and simply let it go to voicemail, because I’m busy.” She paused a beat before looking up at him. “And you’re a dick.”  Thompson sputtered in outrage at her comment.

“I’m reporting you Lewis. Insubordination, rudeness, and failure to cooperate.”

“Really? Cause if you fire me, then I can just go back to being Jane’s assistant full-time. So go ahead. Report me.” Thompson scowled at her, knowing she was right. She wasn’t here because she wanted to be, she was here because S.H.I.E.L.D. was forcing her to be.  “Besides, I’m not answering you because I’m busy doing the stuff you’re _supposed_ to be doing, since you _know_ I don’t have clearance for it.  But whateves, it’s your job on the line.”

“Indeed Miss Lewis.  It _is_ his job on the line.” Darcy’s and Thompson’s head snapped up to see Senior Special Agent Phil Coulson standing at the edge of her cubicle looking--well, deadpan as usual--but his voice implied he was pissed.

“Son of Coul!’ Darcy said with a grin, knowing the apparently immortal Agent was rather fond of the title he’d been given by Thor over a year and a half ago. Darcy knew he wasn’t _actually_ immortal, but seriously. The guy was shivved through the chest with the mother of all spears and despite the rumors circulating through S.H.I.E.L.D. that he’d flatlined five times, he’d survived and was well enough to actually come back to work less than half a year later. Dude was a mother fucking _badass_! Plus, he’d totally returned her iPod when he came back to work a month ago, so he was ok by Darcy.

“Ah, sir. I was just--” 

“Save it Thompson. You’ll be hearing from me shortly. Miss Lewis, I need you to come with me. Now.”  Wide-eyed at his tone, but smirking at Thompson’s impending comeuppance, Darcy stood after locking the paperwork into the top drawer of her desk. Even she knew classified files shouldn’t be left sitting out where anyone passing by could see. She allowed herself an imaginary fist-pump when she saw Coulson nod in approval at her actions. 

“You’ll want to bring your bag with you Miss Lewis, you won’t be back at your desk for the rest of the day.” Quirking her eyebrows in askance, Darcy did as he said before following the stoic, and still slightly limping Agent away from the cubicle farm and towards the high-clearance level bank of elevators.  As they stepped inside the doors, following a badge swipe and a voice confirmation screening--by Coulson, of course--Darcy couldn’t help the excited smile that spread across her face.  For such a shitty start, her Monday might turn out all right after all.


	2. Monday, Monday Sometimes It Just Turns Out That way...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy's day takes a turn for the positive when she discovers the reason Coulson pulled her from her desk and she ends up with a new "Special Project".

Chapter 2: Monday, Monday, Sometimes It Just Turns Out That Way

Darcy had never done well with silence. She’d gotten sent to the Principal’s office more times than her mother had been happy with by making noise during tests--and other enforced “quiet times”--during her middle and high school years. That wasn’t so bad though. Mr. Williams--“Call me Chuck!”--had been surprisingly nice and had appreciated the awesomeness of viral videos. Darcy was fairly certain he was still subscribing to her _Some Damn Funny Stuff_ newsletter she sent out every month, come to think of it.

Anyways, Darcy had always disliked silence, which was why she tended to fill it with anything that was available. Music was her go to choice and since she could usually avoid more silence caused by awkward conversations, or disciplinary actions, by shoving her earbuds in, she’d really appreciated the return of her iPod. If music wasn’t an option, she’d usually resort to sharing viral videos. Everyone loved cute videos of kitties doing stuff, right? Jokes were usually her last result. Not because she wasn’t funny, but because sometimes they could create those awkward moments of silence following them while the other person tried to decide whether they really should be laughing at such an inappropriate joke or whether they should be offended.

Sadly, with Coulson, Man of Living (barely!) Legend in the halls of S.H.I.E.L.D., none of her usual fallbacks were applicable. Since she’d been around, she’d heard stories of Coulson’s prowess; if all of them were true, it was amazing he ever had time to eat or sleep, since he’d have to have been on missions non-stop since he was twelve, to have completed them all. Still, even if there was only a grain of truth to half of the stories she’d heard, Coulson was in possession of some seriously ninja-like skills. A true badass. So to fill the three minute ride, she had to result to the dreaded small talk as they took the elevator up forty odd floors to the top level.

“So Son of Coul, how’s things since you returned to the land of the living? Have you decided to forever give up the delicious and tasty offerings of meaty shish-kebabs out of sympathy?”

“Small talk Miss Lewis? _Really_?” Coulson said, quirking his eyebrow just enough to simulate actual facial expressions.

“Meh,” she said with a shrug. “Since I’m denied the option of humming along to the cheesy piped in Muzac that so many New York office buildings play in their elevators, due to S.H.I.E.L.D.s refusal to make any employee’s day enjoyable in even the smallest of ways, I had to make due.”

“Ah, I see. You couldn’t come up with any better topics of conversation?” Coulson was staring at her while he asked, which made Darcy feel as though this was somehow a test. A test for what, she had no idea. She made a big show of seeming to think it over, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her finger against her chin.

After a ten-second delay she responded with, “Well--uh--nope. I’ve got nothing.” To Darcy’s surprise, and delight, Coulson snorted softly.

“I’m happy to see that life, and S.H.I.E.L.D., hasn’t changed you Miss Lewis. I hope that continues to be the case. People who work here tend to get hard, and once that happens, there’s not really any going back.”

“Wow. That was, uh, deep Coulson. Should we do a ‘Good Game’ handshake, or a huddle clap or something? I feel like I should yell, ‘I want Rudy to dress in my place Coach!’ or something uplifting like that. But, uh, thanks. For reals. I’ll try to not let the man get me down!” She said, shaking her fist as though in protest.

“Good.” And with a small smirk, Coulson stepped off the elevator the moment the doors opened, before the little chime sounded to let passengers know they’d arrived at their floor, without ever once looking towards the door.

“Geeze, what a freaking _ninja_!” Darcy muttered under her breath, following Coulson down a hall, past several offices. Unlike the floor she worked on, or the other dozen or so floors just like it, there were no cubicle warrens here, just swanky looking offices for what must be the top people of S.H.I.E.L.D..

Coulson led her to the door at the end of the hall; there was a desk sitting outside it with a smartly dressed woman typing on a computer and talking. Since Darcy assumed the woman wasn’t crazy, she figured she must be talking into a headset or an earpiece of some kind. The woman looked like your typical secretary slash personal assistant, but if she worked for S.H.I.E.L.D., Darcy knew she could probably kill someone with a paperclip, if need be. When they reached the desk, the woman held up a hand, and pressing the other to her left ear, said, “Sir, Agent Coulson and Miss Lewis are here to see you....Yes sir.” Tapping her ear again, she gestured for them to go in. “Director Fury will see you now.”

Darcy felt herself swallow hard when she realized they were seeing the Director. Though she’d never met him, she’d heard about what a hard ass he was and how his presence inspired terror in a large portion of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s personnel. She’d also heard he had a distinct fondness for black and sported an eyepatch that was decidedly _not_ just for show.

 _Oh fuck, I’m either getting fired in the worst sort of way or they want something they think I can give them. Yeah, I’m gonna go with fired_ , Darcy thought, when she saw Fury standing behind his desk, hands clasped behind him. He looked super freaking intimidating and it took everything Darcy had to not squeak in terror when he turned his eye on her. _Shit, I’m so getting mind-wiped and becoming a homeless cat lady._

“Have a seat Miss Lewis.” Fury said. Fury made Coulson look like the world’s most expressive man. She wasn’t sure if it was the eyepatch, or just the terror of his authority, but she could barely bring herself to make eye contact. Much as Darcy wanted to cower, it wasn’t in her. Lewis women were made of tougher shit and her Uncle Frank had taught her better. So Darcy took a deep breath, sat down, and with as much attitude as she could manage, spoke.

“Sweet pad, Director, sir. You should see if MTV could do a Cribs special on your office. It would totally be good PR for S.H.I.E.L.D.” Fury simply shot a look at Coulson, who shrugged, as if to say ‘I told you’.

“Miss Lewis, why do you think you’re here?”

“Um, to be fired and have my memory wiped, a la Men-In-Black style and then left on the street to discredit my ramblings about a top-secret spy agency operating out of New York?” Darcy said, wincing as she rambled, managing to cut herself off before she really dug herself into a hole. Then she winced again, wondering if she really _would_ be digging her own grave; she wouldn’t put it past S.H.I.E.L.D. to be so masochistic.

“Have you done something you feel should cause your termination Miss Lewis?” _Oh hell, was that just unfortunate word choice or is he actually threatening to have me killed? Oh God, I’m gonna die. And shit, he asked me a question! Answer him, answer him!_

“Um, no, _I_ don’t think so, but uh, I haven’t exactly been stoked about how I was forced into working for you and I haven’t exactly tried to hide those feelings.” Darcy said truthfully. She knew that despite hating how S.H.I.E.L.D. had shanghaied her into working for them, she’d done her job the best she could and that she’d gone above and beyond the tasks she’d been told to do; today’s mission reports came to mind. If S.H.I.E.L.D. were going to get rid of her, it was most likely going to be due to her constant whining about her job or because they thought she posed a threat to revealing what it was that S.H.I.E.L.D. did.

“We,” Fury gestured at Coulson and himself, “Don’t think so either. Despite your lack of...enthusiasm, you’ve been a surprising asset to S.H.I.E.L.D. since you arrived. Doctor Foster has been making significant progress in her research and development of the Bifrost project since you’ve returned to assisting her. You’ve caught and corrected several errors on reports and in computer programs which would have cost S.H.I.E.L.D. time, money, and potentially the lives of some of our agents. And you’ve done work that not even some of our Junior Agents have.”

“I’m, uh, glad you approve?” Darcy said, though she knew it came out as more of a question. Getting praise from Fury was like getting a Golden Ticket to visit Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory; it was highly sought after, rarely given out, and often times not as satisfactory as you were led to believe beforehand. If they thought she was great at what she was doing, it meant she’d likely be stuck doing it for a long time, since they knew she could. Not exactly a positive in Darcy’s book.

Fury continued on, as if she had never spoken. “Which is why we’re upping your clearance level to Level Four and giving you some new and highly important tasks. You’ve probably heard, but Agent Coulson was injured when _Loki_ thought he could take over our planet.” Fury made Loki’s name sound like the foulest word he’d ever said, almost as if saying it aloud was painful to him. “Since he’s returned to duty, his workload has increased, and some of the more everyday tasks are becoming more difficult for him to fit in his schedule. This is where _you_ come in Miss Lewis. You’ve proven yourself to be an efficient and independent worker; someone who doesn't need constant supervision to get their work done. You’re also aware of the Avengers Initiative, due to your proximity when Thor arrived and your involvement with Doctors Foster and Selvig. I'm assigning _you_ to be Agent Coulson’s new assistant and you  _will_ do whatever tasks he gives you. We also have a special project that we think you well-suited to take care of, but Agent Coulson will be explaining that to you later. Don’t let us down Miss Lewis, or perhaps your initial impression of why you were brought to my office might truly be in store for you.” _Holy shit!_ Darcy thought. _They totally do have a neuralizer thingy! Oh. Em. Gee!_

“Yes, sir. I’ll do my best.” Darcy nodded, stunned.

“See that you do.” Fury said, before nodding back. It was obviously a dismissal, so Darcy stood, gave an awkward looking bow, and followed Coulson out of the office, still reeling at what Fury had said. If she was’t mistaken, and she didn’t think she was, she was getting a promotion. Plus she was getting out of the cubicle hell she’d spent the last six months languishing in. Sweet!

Coulson led to her a door a few down the hall from where Fury’s office was, and led in her in before shutting the door behind him. “Have a seat Miss Lewis,” he said, gesturing to one of the chairs in front of his desk, before circling around and seating himself. Darcy knew she didn’t imagine the pained sigh he made after finally getting off of his feet.

“Are you okay, boss man?” Darcy asked, more than a little bit concerned. For someone who’s stoicism was a constant companion, he looked awfully pale and more than a little exhausted. “Do you need anything? Water? Scotch? A morphine drip?” Coulson actually chuckled at that. _Chuckled!_ Shaking his head, he waved her off.

“I’m fine Miss Lewis. Just...recovering a little more slowly than I’d like to be. Which is, of course, why you’re here. I wish I could say I can handle all the extra work, but that would be a lie and most importantly, Director Fury _knows_ it’s a lie. We lost a lot of agents as a result of Loki’s attack, and until replacements can be found and trained up, most of the extra work has come to me and the other Senior Agents. Add in all the extra work related to the Avengers and the revelation of some of the secrets S.H.I.E.L.D. has been keeping under wraps and there’s simply too much for me to do.”

“Okay, that’s cool. I mean, not about people getting killed and stuff, but I can definitely help you with the paperwork and crap. Does, uh, this mean I have to give up working with Jane again?”

“No, Doctor Foster has progressed much more quickly with you assisting her than with the couple of other assistants Director Fury assigned to her. We very much want you to continue on as you have been. You’ll simply be working up here with me in the afternoons, rather than down on the eighth floor. I’ll go over what exactly you’ll be doing for me tomorrow, since they haven’t had a desk or computer brought up for you yet. Your clearance level is being upped as we speak, and when it’s time for you to leave tonight I’ll help you set up your voice conformation verifications for the elevators and other security checkpoints.”

“Cool! Can I be all secret spy-like and have a cool catchphrase for my voice verification code?” Coulson’s lip twitched at that, and Darcy knew he really wanted to laugh.

“Yes, Miss Lewis--”

“Seriously Son of Coul, just call me Darcy. Otherwise this whole Miss Lewis thing is gonna get old really fast.”

“Yes, _Darcy_ , you can pick whatever phrase you want for your voice verification code. You’ll also be setting up an emergency voice code, so that if you’re under duress, the verification system can send an immediate Code Red to the rest of the facility to have help, or backup, sent to you.”

“Sweet.” Darcy said with a grin.

“Unfortunately, there _is_ a dress code for the higher up S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel, so you’ll need to get some business attire. Dress slacks, and shirts are fine, you don’t have to wear a skirt or a suit, if you don’t want to, but you _do_ need to adhere to the dress regulations.”

“Um, I can’t afford dress clothes. I can barely afford to feed myself, I’m so broke. So unless you guys have a closet full of free dress clothes lying around, I can’t follow the dress code.” Coulson frowned for a moment, before typing something into his computer. Whatever he saw made his eyebrows shoot up.

“You’ll be receiving an automatic raise as part of your promotion, but your previous wage was a mistake. You _should_ have been making more per hour for your work. You’ll get the backpay you’re owed with your next paycheck. As for the dress clothes, I’m giving you a thousand dollar stipend to go shopping with. You need to give me your receipts, but buy some clothes and some shoes that are work appropriate.”

“Wait, what?! I’m getting a promotion, a raise, _and_ you’re giving money for me to go shopping with? _Totally_ not how I figured this afternoon was going to go....” Darcy couldn’t believe how much her luck had turned around in a matter of a couple of hours. “Hey wait! The Director said you had a ‘special project’ for me? Is that a code word for a really crappy task or something?”

“How much do you know about the Avengers Initiative, Darcy?”

“Um, not a lot. I mean, obviously I know Thor, and I know of Tony Stark, but other than knowing who the other people are, or at least their ‘Superhero Names’ from the internet and the occasional talk around the water cooler here at S.H.I.E.L.D., I don’t know much.”

“You’ll be learning a lot about them now, as I’m technically the S.H.I.E.L.D. liaison to the Avengers, until we can find someone else to take that position. I expect everything you learn and hear about them to be kept confidential. With the scale of the attack last spring, we couldn’t keep everything under wraps, but we’re doing the best we can to keep more info from being leaked to both the press and the public. The ‘Special Project’ Director Fury mentioned has to do with Captain Rogers.”

“You mean Captain America?!” She squealed. Coulson shot her a look, and Darcy forced herself to sit back in her chair and to try to act cool. _Fuuuuuck, that was so pathetic Lewis. Way to shriek like a prepubescent girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Ugh..._

“Is that a problem, Miss Lewis?” he asked, sternly. Darcy winced.

“No, sorry. I just--it probably says it in my file, but I was a history major for a while, before I ended up with Poli-Sci. The first half of the twentieth century was my main area of study, so I’m kinda familiar with who he is. Plus the chance to _talk_ to somebody who fought in WWII and isn’t like, 90, is really awesome.” Coulson seemed to relax a bit at this and Darcy realized he probably thought she was going all crazy fan-girl on him. There _had_ been an awful lot of comments following Loki’s attack that had centered on how hot the Avengers members were and she’d seen some very stalker-ish comments on message boards all over the internet. There were even tumblr pages dedicated to crotch and ass shots of the Star Spangled Man in his uniform. Admitting she’d been to, and maybe sort of bookmarked, those pages, was something she was taking to the grave, however. _Definitely_ no need to tell S.H.I.E.L.D. about that. _Note to self, delete incriminating bookmarks on laptop, asap..._

“Well, Captain Rogers has been having a hard time adjusting to life in the twenty-first century. We had assigned a couple of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to get him up to speed, but the curriculum they chose didn’t exactly go over well and the Captain stopped attending the classes. We need someone who is more aware of current culture and is less, well, S.H.I.E.L.D.-like to come up with something so Captain Rogers can fit into the world better.”

“Oh, so I’m just coming up with his study topics then? Like, making sure he knows who important people are and stuff?”

“The Captain is currently on leave, but when he returns, we expect you to tutor him. More of an immersion program really, since you won’t be running or working in a classroom.”

“Ok, cool. I can so do that. Is there anything I _have_ to teach him about, like set stuff S.H.I.E.L.D. feels he has to know?”

“Once your computer is set up, I’ll be sending you some areas he might be interested in, but for the most part, you get to set the curriculum.”

“This is going to be _so_ cool! I’m on it, son of Coul! I won’t let you down.” Darcy grinned at him. Coulson just shook his head in exasperation. Grabbing something from the top drawer of his desk, he handed Darcy a credit card.

“This is to buy your work clothes. Keep your receipts please, so I can get Accounting to write it off as a business expense.”

“No problem,” Darcy said, stashing it in her wallet.

“I’ll help you set up your security pass-codes and then you’re done for the day. Go ahead and take care of your shopping today, so you have something to wear to work tomorrow afternoon.” With a pained grimace, Coulson stood up and led her back out to the hallway. As they made their way back towards the elevators, Darcy couldn’t help the huge smile on her face. Things were most definitely looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I got this chapter done a lot sooner than I had first anticipated. Of course seeing Chris Evans in a tux on Sunday for the Oscars might have motivated me a little more, as now I want to bust out the next few chapters so we can get to the Darcy/Steve action.


	3. So let's set the world on fire,  We can burn brighter, Than the sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy does some adjusting to her new position and takes advantage of some of the perks that come along with it. And at long last, she finally gets to meet a superhero, or four.

**Chapter Three:** **So let's set the world on fire,** **We can burn brighter, Than the sun**

 

Darcy stumbled into her apartment building three and a half hours after she’d left the S.H.I.E.L.D. offices.  With her hands full of shopping bags, she had a hard time getting the key to her building out of the lock.  With a final jerk, she managed to pull it free, but her sudden shift in gravity made her fall over.

“Ow!” Darcy yelped as she landed in a heap on the floor.  Darcy supposed it was a good thing that the only thing injured was her pride, since the elevator in this building had probably been out of commission since Reagan was in office, so five flights of stairs to haul herself up while injured would have really sucked. She stumbled to her feet only to hear the door to the landlord’s place open and Manny, her landlord, stepped out.

“Hey Lewis. I called you eight hours ago. You don’t care your apartment flooded?” Manny asked with a scowl. Darcy had known he was a sleazeball the moment she’d met him, but she’d been handling sleazeballs since her boobs had developed at twelve, so she figured she could handle him. If nothing else, she could use her taser on him if he got too handsy.  Still, he was her landlord, and though sleazy, wasn’t actually a jerk, so she put up with him, velour tracksuits and all.

“Shit. I totally forgot, Manny. It’s been a crazy day and I totally forgot about the flooding. Can you come up with me now to check the damage?” She asked, heading up the stairs. Judging by the clomping behind her, Manny was following her up.

“Crazy day means shopping? You barely make rent, how you buy so much clothes, hmm? You become stripper? I’m not judging, but you’re not allowed to bring your customers back with you. I not want any trouble with cops. Cops come, make big trouble, immigration gets called. No good for anybody, okay?” Manny said, waving his arms around in wild motions. 

“Manny, I’m not a stripper. Or a prostitute. Though, thanks I guess, for thinking somebody would be willing to pay to see me naked.  The clothes are from my boss, new dress code.  I didn’t have to pay for them.” _Shit, Lewis. You know it’s been a long time since you got laid if you think_ that _was a compliment._ She scowled at that though. _Way too long a time..._

“I’d pay to see you naked. How much you want?”

“What?! No, that wasn’t a proposition dude. And you know what? You walk in front, I don’t want you staring at my ass the rest of the way up.” She said, moving to the side, so he could pass her on the stairs.

“Okay, okay, fine. You change your mind, you know where to find me.  I help you make rent, so you not have to worry.”

By the time they reached Darcy’s apartment on the fifth floor, she was wheezing from hauling all those bags and her face was flushed from wearing her coat inside the warm building.  It defied all logic, really; she could never get her apartment warm when she turned on the heater, but in the stairwell and the foyer, it was always blistering hot.  Darcy dumped her bags on the floor next to her apartment door before using her keys to open the door to her apartment.  Flipping on the light switch, she and Manny walked in.

“Fucking hell,” Darcy muttered in anger as she realized that the carpet for her entire living room was soggy.  Every time she stepped, the carpet squished.  Judging by the warped wallpaper near her bathroom door, most of the water had leaked through the floor at the joint of the doorway, and had spread throughout the living room. “This is crap, Manny.” She said, turning to speak to him. He was inspecting the wall between the bathroom and her living room.

“Yes, very crap. Your carpet is done for, wallpaper is trashed.  Electrical might be shot too. Don’t use plugs on this wall until I get electrician in.  Need to check ceiling still safe, not going to collapse. Water maybe make the wood soft, not hold weight. Going to be expensive, you know?”

“I’m not paying for all this! The asshole upstairs is the one who passed out with his faucet running! Make him pay.” Darcy yelled while checking to make sure her bedroom had survived the flooding. Other than slight dampness on the carpet nearest the door, it seemed to be fine, which was a relief, at least; especially since her few expensive belongings were in her bedroom.

“He might not have money to fix all the damage.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck whether he does or not. You make sure you fix my apartment before you fix that jerk’s or the cops will be the least of your worries.” Darcy said scowling at Manny with her arms crossed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. I get you, no need to make threats.  You leave me spare key tomorrow, I get men in to start work, yes?”

“Okay. Just so we’re clear...”

“Clear as diamonds, yes. We get work done soon.” Manny said, with a nod and a wave before he left her apartment. 

Darcy sighed as she glanced at her soaked carpet and ruined wall. She just hoped the water hadn’t managed to damage the ceiling.  The absolute last thing she needed was for the ceiling to collapse in on her. Nothing she could do about it for now, though; Manny would have whoever his construction guys were come in and check everything out.  Since her Chucks were soaked from the soggy carpet, she toed them off before kicking them into the corner of her bedroom, towards her own bathroom door.  _Time for some waterproof shoes_ , she thought with a frown.

She knew she had a pair of galoshes in her closet from a thrift shop in Puente Antiguo.  They’d only been ten bucks and despite not needing them at the time, Darcy hadn’t been able to keep herself from buying them because they were just _that_ cute. Black and white polka dots with powder blue soles and trim and a giant blue bow at the back of each calf.  Rummaging through the disaster zone that could be considered her closet, Darcy huffed as she shoved heaps of stuff from side to side.

“Ah _ha_!” Darcy crowed, victoriously, as she emerged, more than a little tousled, from the black pit of her closet, brandishing her boots. “I _knew_ these suckers were gonna come in handy eventually! And fuck, I’m talking to myself... Get it together Lewis, jeez.” Shaking her head at herself, she quickly pulled on her boots.  Darcy couldn’t help grinning at how cute her feet looked in her boots.  

Now that she could walk around without squishing her toes in bath water, she turned back to the pile of shopping bags she’d dumped on her bed. Darcy had hit up all the vintage and retro shops she could find in a five mile radius of her apartment.  She knew she’d never fit her boobs into modern dress shirts unless she bought them three sizes too big for the rest of her torso, so she’d decided to go old school; back to the days when women had curves and were classy but still hot.

She’d managed to find about half a dozen well-fitting blouses, as well as some cute cardigan sets that still followed S.H.I.E.L.D.’s dress code guidelines. Since Darcy had never managed to pull off pastels with her coloring, she’d gotten them in bright jewel tones--after all, S.H.I.E.L.D. never said she had to wear all black. She also managed to find two sweater dresses that were beautiful, one in a charcoal gray she _loved_ and the other in a pretty royal blue, that fit her like gloves. 

She smiled as she fingered the pants she’d found.  She managed to find a pair of black high-waisted trousers that had made her ass look _amazing_ when she’d tried them on in the shop. They had one of those cute little button up plackets in the front, with the buttons on either side of her waist, and paired with her new red blouse, she’d looked hot.  She’d found similar ones in grey and navy blue, that had been almost as cute. She’d also found some cigarette pants in assorted colors, and because she’d gone the vintage route, she’d had to buy a few pencil skirts and some swing skirts to complete the outfits.

Since no retro outfit was complete without undergarments and shoes, she’d picked up a few cute pairs--her favorites were the peep-toe heels in red patent leather--including a few pairs of flats, since she knew she’d never manage in heels for really long days.  She’d also bought some stockings, complete with the back of the leg seams, to wear with her skirts. For possibly the first time in her life, Darcy was excited about getting dressed for work. S.H.I.E.L.D. was a super secret spy agency who took out bad guys and super-villains, so Darcy could say she was _literally_ dressed to kill! _Score!_

After stashing her new stuff in the closet, Darcy decided that vegging out was all she had the energy for after her super fun, but exhausting, day.  She had half a sandwich left from her Stark Tower cafeteria pilfered lunch and part of a bag of chips that she’d managed to get from the convenience shop down the street for only two bucks. After grabbing both and filling up a glass with the remainder of a bottle of Diet Coke, Darcy headed back to her room.  She pulled on her comfiest pajamas, and her extra baggy sweatshirt and climbed onto her bed.  While Netflix loaded on her television, Darcy chowed down on her dinner.

She spent the next few hours relaxing and watching the awesomeness that was _Firefly_ before falling asleep watching Captain Mal and his band of merry lawbreakers fleeing from Canton. 

 

~~~ * ~~~

 

The next few weeks flew by for Darcy, balancing her lab duties with her S.H.I.E.L.D. duties. Darcy found, to her surprise, that she enjoyed her afternoons now. Coulson had helped to get her set up as his assistant the first full day she worked for him and after a few days of getting used to Coulson’s schedule and the massive amount of correspondence he received--which she had to sort through--she’d taken to the position like she’d been born to it.

The pay raise she’d received on her first paycheck, plus the six months of back-pay Coulson had promised her, made the situation even sweeter.  She’d been excited to go grocery shopping and be able to buy more than ramen packets and Cup ’o’ Noodle without shelling out her rent for the month.  She’d even been able to buy some thrift store decorations and furniture for her apartment, which had been repaired and was actually a lot less sucky than it’d been before the flooding.  Her carpet had gotten moldy in the time between the flooding and the arrival of the construction people, so they’d given her new carpet and they’d painted the whole living room after they pulled down the ruined wallpaper. It was _almost_ as if she’d gotten a new place. The hot water still ran out quickly and the building itself still faintly smelled of cabbage and old people, but her own apartment was no longer imitating a run-down crack house, which was definitely a positive in Darcy’s book.

When Darcy had informed Jane about her promotion, the morning following her meeting with Coulson and Fury, Jane had seemed excited for her, but Darcy knew that Jane was still wary of Coulson ever since he’d swooped in and confiscated their belongings after Thor’s initial arrival.  Still, Jane had understood how miserable Darcy had been as a gofer slash desk jockey for S.H.I.E.L.D., so she was happy that Darcy was happy.  When Erik had returned from his research trip to the initial Bifrost site in New Mexico, he’d been more enthusiastic than Jane had been. He’d worked with Coulson before Loki’s arrival on Earth, and following the attack on New York, had kept in contact with the recovering Agent, since Loki had damaged them both, albeit in different ways.

With the new data Erik had gathered, Jane had managed to make massive strides towards completing the Bifrost machine.  The way Jane was working--like a mad-woman on a mission--Darcy had no doubt it’d be a matter of months, rather than years, before the Bifrost was repaired.   The often hectic mornings with Jane, mostly caused by a combination of sleep deprivation, over-caffeination, and sugar rushes on Jane’s part, were tempered by the more mellow afternoons at S.H.I.E.L.D..  Darcy found it more than a little ironic that her job at a super secret spy agency was more easy-going than her job working at a lab assistant to an astrophysicist. 

 

~~~ * ~~~

 

Darcy swiped her security pass for the elevator at S.H.I.E.L.D. before checking her watch.  Coulson had an appointment in fifteen minutes with someone he wanted to get as a consultant for the Bifrost project and they were apparently flying in, so Darcy was heading up to the roof to the helipad to greet them and escort them to the conference room booked for the meeting.  While she rode the elevator up two floors to the roof, she smoothed her black pencil skirt down and adjusted the red blouse she was wearing.

Since she’d be sitting in on this meeting, both as Jane’s lab assistant and as Coulson’s PA, she’d gone all out with her outfit, even wearing her seamed stockings and her red peep-toe heels.  To complete the outfit was her Iron-Man Red lipstick--seriously, how couldn’t she _not_ buy the Avenger’s line that Mac had released a few weeks ago--and a large red poppy clip for her hair.

When she arrived on the roof, it was to discover that the only people waiting were the two armed S.H.I.E.L.D. goons who greeted every incoming aircraft upon landing. Glancing at her watch again, Darcy couldn’t help but scowl at the lack of punctuality Coulson’s consultant had. Darcy tapped her foot on the tarmac as she fired off a text to Coulson on her new shiny Stark phone, informing him that their _guest_ had not yet arrived.  When her old phone had dropped Coulson mid-call, he’d greeted her the next morning with the new phone, which wasn’t even on the market for the public to buy.  Darcy had been extra pleased to discover she had a fifty dollar credit loaded onto her phone for apps, and had downloaded a half-dozen games before she’d even had the phone for an hour.  She and Coulson had a very, _very_ secret ongoing competition over their Angry Birds scores and at the moment Darcy was ahead.  She rather loved that Coulson had loosened up a bit around her, especially since she discovered they had a similar sense of humor and lack of tolerance for morons.  He was in all actuality, the coolest boss she’d ever had, and her dislike of S.H.I.E.L.D. was decreasing every day she worked with him.

A few minutes after she’d arrived on the roof, Darcy became aware of a mechanical whine that seemed to be getting louder.  Glancing around, it wasn’t until one of the guards pointed towards a plane, that Darcy even saw where the sound was coming from.  The plane was unlike anything Darcy had ever seen before, but it wasn’t the plane that startled her the most.  Just moments before the plane touched down on the tarmac, a loud whooshing shot overhead and suddenly a fireball was hitting the roof.  

Darcy shrieked and stepped back in surprise before she realized what, or rather _who,_ the giant ball of flame was.  The man who had just stepped out of the plane was none other than Reed Richards, Mr Fantastic himself, which meant that Johnny Storm, man-whore of epic proportions, was the towering inferno over there. Rolling her eyes, Darcy walked over to greet Richards and the two other members of the Fantastic Four, Sue Richards née Storm and Ben Grimm, who had joined him.

Having grown up in the age of the Internet and social media, Darcy had seen plenty of pics of Grimm, best known as The Thing, since they’d had their showdown in the streets of New York with former mogul Victor Von Doom, so his appearance wasn’t really a shock to her.  Still, he was a _lot_ bigger than she’d have guessed from video and pics she’d seen on the internet.  Shaking off her thoughts, Darcy reached out and shook both of the Richards’ hands along with Mr Grimm’s, though his she shook very carefully. 

“Doctor Richards, Mrs. Richards, Mr. Grimm, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Darcy Lewis, Agent Coulson’s personal assistant.  If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to meet Agent Coulson.”

“What, no hello for me? The gorgeous ladies don’t usually ignore me, when I’m around.” said a voice to her left. “I’m Johnny, but you can call me anytime you want.”  Jonny said as he stepped just in front of her, no longer still alight.  Darcy rolled her eyes before shooting him a look.

“No. Just...no.” Darcy shook her head before leading the Fantastic Four towards the elevator.

“”What? Why? Ladies love me.” Johnny said with a cocky grin.  Darcy wasn’t going to lie and say she wasn’t attracted to him, because she totally was.  Anyone who enjoyed the company of men would be attracted to him, he was just that pretty.  But he really was a man-whore; he was spotted with a different woman in every tabloid and they seemed to rotate out faster than the revolving door at Macy’s.

“Puh-leeze. You might be pretty, but you’ve had more passengers than the Subway. I have no desire to pick up some funky disease. _Or_ to experience a burning sensation in my crotch, be it from VD or your flammable dick.  You can keep your glow-stick in your pants, Torch-boy.” Grimm bust out with gravelly ( _Ha!)_ laughter at her comments, and both the Richards’ were hiding smirks behind their hands. 

“I like you Miss Lewis.  I hope we get to work with you a _lot._ ” the walking boulder that was Ben Grimm said, with a grin.

“Me too,” Darcy said with a grin and a wink, before leading the very first superheroes she’d met since arriving in New York in to meet her awesome boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little longer than I wanted it to, mostly because I spent two evenings watching the two Fantastic Four movies to try and get the characters' down. Though they're not main characters by a long shot, the Fantastic Four are going to be making a few appearances, and I wanted to get them in early to get things going.


	4. Chapter Four: Images of broken light, which, Dance before me like a million eyes, They call me on and on across the universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shenanigans with Johnny Storm, the hunt for Spiderman, a night out on the town with 3/4ths of the Fantastic Four and a breakthrough mean Darcy's pretty much got her hands full...

Chapter Four: Images of broken light, which, Dance before me like a million eyes, They call me on and on across the universe

Darcy managed to keep her grin hidden from Coulson, but just barely. She was taking notes for Coulson to write up in his report later--seriously, S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted reports for _everything_ \--about his meeting with the Fantastic Four. In the twenty-five minutes since they had joined Coulson in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s conference room for the meeting, Coulson had asked Johnny Storm to not light random objects on fire five times. _Five times!_ Judging by the muscle twitch she could see in his left temple, her boss was about thirty-seconds away from shooting the Human Torch. She needed to intervene and fast.

“Hey, St. Elmo’s Fire, cool your jets okay? The adults in the room are having a meeting and if you don’t chill out, you’re gonna get put on time out.” Darcy said, pointing at Storm to make sure he knew who she was talking to. Ben snickered, and Darcy was relieved to see Coulson’s lips twitch, letting her know he was amused.

“Actually, Director Fury was hoping to meet with the four of you while you were here, about a possible sighting of Von Doom, and he’s only available for the next,” Coulson paused to check his watch, “half an hour or so before he leaves New York. Can we pause the Bifrost discussion for a moment so you can meet with him?” Richards glanced at his wife and at Ben before nodding.

“I think that would be fine. Any information you have on Victor would be appreciated, since we’ve been unable to locate him since the incident in Shanghai.” Richards grimaced at that, and Darcy suddenly remembered reading that Sue Storm had died during that fight before being revived and healed.

“Excellent.” Coulson said before standing. “Darcy, while we’re with the Director will you print out the recent data readings Dr. Foster has on the Bifrost project? I think they might give Dr. Richards a better idea of where she is and whether it’s something he’d be interested in collaborating on.”

“Sure thing, boss man!” Darcy said, with a jaunty salute. Coulson did his lip twitch again and Darcy mentally fist pumped, for easing his stress. With all the meds he was on after nearly dying, stress was very much _not_ of the good for him. Coulson nodded and then led the Fantastic Four out of the conference room and down the hall to meet with Director Fury. Deciding to leave her legal pad and pens on the desk for when they returned, Darcy left the conference room, but instead of heading left, towards the Director’s office, she turned right, passing two additional meeting rooms before she arrived at her desk.

Since she had the next half hour or so free from fielding phone calls and conversations, she decided to pop in her headphones while she pulled up all the week’s reports to show to Dr. Richards. Darcy printed out five copies of the reports, one for each member of the Four, should they like to follow along, and one for Coulson to use as reference for any questions Richards asked. Ideally, Jane should be at the meeting, but she hated meeting new people, mostly because she was expected to adhere to social niceties, and Jane couldn’t be bothered with those when there was _Science!_ to do. Jane had agreed to Coulson’s suggestion about bringing Dr. Richards on only because he had both firsthand knowledge of extraterrestrial beings and he was a genius in aerospace engineering and physics, two fields that were essential to the construction of the Bifrost machine.

Jane had pulled Darcy aside yesterday to make sure that S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t planning to cut her out of the project by bringing Richards in and to do a character check, to see if Darcy thought Jane and Reed could work well together. _I doubt_ that _will be a problem, they both get so involved with their work, bombs could go off in the same room and I doubt they notice_ , Darcy thought with a snort. _In fact, if Dr. Richards decides to help, I bet the Bifrost will be done in no time..._ Shaking off her thoughts, Darcy went back to work.

The collating function on her printer was still malfunctioning-- _I wonder if flashing the nerd boys down in IT my boobs would get them up here sooner to fix this piece of crap_ , Darcy pondered. Since having the machine do it for her wasn’t an option, Darcy knew she’d have to do it herself. She gathered all the papers and her stapler, before returning to the conference room for more space to organize the packets, all the while bobbing her head to the music streaming through her headphones.

She’d been organizing the packets for about fifteen minutes when suddenly a pair of hands grabbed her by the waist and picked her up. Instantly using the self defense techniques her Uncle Frank had forcibly taught her when she became a teenager, Darcy spun hard and brought her knee up between her attacker’s legs before grabbing her taser from her hidden holster and firing at point blank range. It was only seconds later, when the wall of heat erupted in front of her, that Darcy realized it had been Johnny playing a prank on her and not some crazy attacker. He was rolling on the floor, completely covered in flames, and grabbing his crotch while groaning in pain. Realizing he’d lit up while still attached to her taser, Darcy yelled.

“Dammit Storm! You fried my taser, you asshole! What the fuck is your problem?!” Johnny kept groaning as a response, while continuing to roll around, leaving scorch marks on the floor. To make matters worse, it was at that moment the fire alarms triggered and the sprinkler system kicked in, dousing Darcy, Coulson, and the other three members of the Fantastic Four, who were currently cracking up, with water. Darcy sighed. “Fucking perfect,” she muttered, glancing at the now soaked and useless reports. Coulson simply shook his head, before pulling out his phone.

“Would anybody care to explain to me, why the _fuck_ the sprinkler systems are dousing this whole floor with water and why _all_ of my Agents are evacuating the building?” came the very unhappy sounding voice of Director Fury. Darcy swallowed hard and closed her eyes for a moment, preparing herself to explain, when she heard Coulson speak up.

“Mr Storm thought it would be amusing to sneak up behind Miss Lewis, while she was distracted, and against my advice, he did so. Miss Lewis kneed him and then tased him and as a result, he ignited, which set off the alarms and sprinklers. _Sir_.” Coulson said, completely matter-of-factly and utterly expressionless.

“You mean to tell me,” Fury said, before pausing for a moment, “that an _assistant_ , a _secretary_ , with no combat training, took out a superhero. Took out _Johnny Storm_ and made him bawl like a little baby girl?” At the question, Ben, who had calmed his laughing with Fury’s entrance, let out a loud guffaw, and slapping his leg in amusement, accidentally clipped the table and sent it crashing to the floor.

“Oops, sorry.” Ben said, shrugging in apology. Coulson waved it off. Clearly the busted table was not the biggest deal at the moment.

“Miss Lewis,” Darcy steeled herself for a reprimand, “Good job, that is fucking hilarious. Coulson, have the security footage sent to me, I want to see that for myself, and for God’s sake, turn the damn alarms off in here.” Fury said with a chuckle, before leaving the room.

“Totally _not_ what I was expecting him to say,” Darcy muttered. Coulson had whipped his phone up to to his ear immediately following the Director’s departure, and within moments, the wail of the fire alarms had cut out and few seconds after that, the sprinklers cut off. Slicking her now drenched hair back and out of her face, Darcy turned to face Johnny, who had been extinguished by the heavy sprinkler showers.

“Uh sorry dude. But seriously, you _totally_ shouldn’t have done that.” Johnny groaned again, still clutching his groin.

“Oh God, you’ve crushed my junk. I can never have sex again!” He wailed.

“Seriously? Your Sex was _on Fire_ , I’m _pretty_ sure it’ll survive my poorly placed knee to the groin. You’re just lucky I’m in heels and not my boots or my Chucks, or I would have managed a lot more leverage, you douche. And actually, I’m a little disappointed, I was kinda hoping for an Adele moment there.”

“Uh, what? What’s an Adele moment?” asked Dr. Richards. The others in the room seemed a little lost at her comment, too, so Darcy figured she’d better explain.

“You know, ‘Set Fire to the Rain’? With the sprinklers and all?” Everyone else groaned at her answer but Doctor Richards shook his head in confusion, Darcy sighed. “Jeez, you’re more of a recluse than Jane is; even she knows who Adele is. And yes, that wasn’t my best pun, I know, but enough with the groaning from the peanut gallery, thanks.” Darcy rolled her eyes at them all before offering her hand to help Johnny up. “If you light up right now, you can say farewell to your dick for reals. I will crush it under my heel and laugh in your misery.”

“God, you’re such a spoilsport. I swear, you’re a worse buzzkill than Sue.” Johnny said as he gingerly stood. Judging by his awkward stance, Darcy figured she must have gotten him harder than she thought.

“Hey!” Sue exclaimed. “Just because a pretty girl shot you down is no reason to be rude, Johnny. Now apologize to Darcy for being an ass.” Darcy smiled sweetly at Johnny while he heaved a big sigh.

“I’m sorry I snuck up on you and startled you. Seriously, I’m _way_ sorry. If I’d have known you were gonna bust my balls, I never would done it.” Darcy snorted at his weak apology, but didn’t comment. She had no doubt he regretted scaring her, he just didn’t regret it for the right reason, but Darcy didn’t really care.

“Oh Johnny,” Sue said with a sigh, Darcy just waved her off.

“No biggie, Sue. I’m sure he won’t do it again, will you Hunk of Burning Love?”

“Whoa, no way!” He threw his hands up in surrender. “I like my goods,” he gestured towards his crotch, “in undamaged, working condition, so I will be staying way the hell away from you.” Darcy laughed, and stuck her hand out.

“You know, when you’re not being an egotistical jerk Storm, you’re all right.” Johnny grinned and shook her hand with a wink.

~~~ * ~~~

The next two weeks were filled with massive amounts of data entry for Darcy, as Jane and Erik, with Dr. Richards’ help, ran several simulations for the Bifrost machine. More often than not, the three scientists were sequestered away in the lab at all hours of the day, and forcing food and sleep on them became the toughest part of Darcy’s days. She had an accomplice at least, when Sue was free, since she could usually persuade Reed to take a break. Once Reed had left, Jane and Erik were easier to coerce into taking a break too.

When she was at S.H.I.E.L.D. Darcy was busy helping Coulson “handle” the Extraordinary Talent Division, or ETD--personally, she thought the name kind of sucked, but it was what they were using until a better name could be chosen. Apparently, after the Chitauri invasion, other groups of talented people besides the Avengers had contacted S.H.I.E.L.D. about working with them, and since he was the liaison for the Avengers, it had been decided Coulson would deal with these other individuals as well. Darcy had kind of figured the Fantastic Four would be part of this group, but there had also been contact from a school in Westchester that had a variety of talented people interested in working with S.H.I.E.L.D. Coulson had a meeting scheduled at the school in a few weeks and he’d asked Darcy to come along. Though she wasn’t really sure what a _school_ had to offer them, Darcy was excited about going on a field trip of sorts, so she’d agreed--Jane had already said it was fine if she missed a few days in the lab.

Coulson had also assigned Darcy with trying to get information on Spiderman, since he was so elusive. He’d asked her to search through all the photos and articles to see if there were places he was seen more often than others, so that S.H.I.E.L.D. could try to track him down and recruit him to their side. When Darcy asked why S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn’t _already_ figured out who he was, Coulson had admitted that until the weird giant lizard attack a few months ago, Spiderman hadn’t really made it onto S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar.

Spiderman usually only dealt with the small time crooks, but when he’d taken care of the lizard issue, S.H.I.E.L.D. had decided he might be handy to have around. The problem was, he’d become a lot more circumspect in his outings than he’d been in the past, and so tracking him down had become a tedious job. Since his abilities fell under the ETD’s purview, the task of finding him had been shuffled over to Coulson, and by default, Darcy. Darcy didn’t mind, it gave her something to do when she finished her daily tasks for Coulson, and she’d managed to make some headway into her search, so she was excited.

~~~ *** ~~~

It was a Friday, and Darcy was sitting in the lab, with her Scientists Three bickering away in the other room over the conclusions to be made from their latest batch of simulations. She was chugging down her third cup of coffee for the day, after pulling an all-nighter for Coulson. Spiderman had apprehended a ring of bank robbers yesterday evening, following a shooting between the perps and some cops. She and Coulson had been hacking the video feeds to try to follow him from the time he caught the robbers. They’d followed the feed as far as Brooklyn, but had lost surveillance coverage of him. He’d been heading toward Queens in the last frame they saw him in, but he could be heading anywhere, and at 3 am, Coulson had finally called it quits and sent Darcy home. Now she was struggling to stay awake and wondering how she’d manage to be conscious through her afternoon at S.H.I.E.L.D., when it was only 10 am and she was on the verge of passing out.

She sat there staring blankly at her screen for ten minutes before deciding to just take a nap on the sofa, since that was why it’d been put in the lab in the first place. Of course, it was usually one of the scientists who took power naps on it and not Darcy, but that didn’t really matter. She was just about to lay down when her phone belted out “Light My Fire”. With a sigh she answered, “What’s up Johnny?”

“Hey, so you’re into the whole retro scene, right?”

“Ye-es...” She answered slowly, not sure where this conversation was going to go. In the month since she’d first met him, the relationship that had developed between them had been rather rocky. She’d told Johnny flat out, she’d never date him and she’d never sleep with him. He’d stopped arguing with her over it, even though he didn’t understand it, and they’d managed to get along fairly well. Their mutual appreciation of dirty jokes and inappropriate humor helped to make things less awkward.

“My buddy just mentioned some club in Brooklyn does retro nights. Like a theme thing; anyways, there’s one tomorrow night, it’s like, the 20s or something. _Bu-ut_ ” he said, stretching out the word, “everybody gets all dressed up and they have live bands that play music and it’s cool and I figured it was kind of your thing. My buddy invited me along and I thought I’d see if you want to come too.”

“Not as a date right?”

“ _Obviously_.” Darcy rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. “Rumor has it there’s an amazingly hot blonde who sings with the house band, so I’m _definitely_ flying solo for that. Sue and Reed are coming too, and Ben might bring Alicia if he can find an outfit that’ll fit him. Sue mentioned a conversation you guys had about not getting a chance to get out much and I thought, ‘Hey, Darcy might like to join us!’ so I decided to give you a call.”

“It sounds great, but I’ve got to buy something to wear. I don’t really have anything that’s from the Roaring 20s.”

“Oh you don’t have to dress up, I’m not planning on it.”

“Seriously? Then what is the point of going, Disco Inferno? No, we’re going shopping tomorrow morning. I know a place we can go to get some period appropriate clothes. And since I _know_ you can afford it, it’s definitely happening. Besides,” she says, talking over Johnny’s whining, “If you want to impress that jazz-singing babe, you ought to look like the bee’s knees, don’t you think?”

“Well, I do look exceptional in everything I wear...even if what I’m wearing is nothing at all.” Darcy laughed at the sleazy grin she could almost _hear_ over the phone.“Okay, I’m in for finding something that makes me even more attractive than I normally am.”

“You’re laying it on a bit thick there Storm, I wouldn’t want to drown in your oozing ego. I’ll text you the address for the place later, I’ve got to go.”

“Sweet! Later!” Johnny hung up before Darcy could say anything else. _Hmmm...a night out with superhero friends, in a cool bar, all dolled up in a flapper dress. This could be fun_ , Darcy grinned. Glancing towards the back of the lab where she could still hear Jane, Erik, and Reed bickering away, Darcy made herself comfortable on the sofa before drifting off to sleep, with dreams of jazz and speakeasies filling her head.

~~~ *** ~~~

Darcy was drunk. _No_ , she thought, _I’m sooooo hammered._ It was almost four in the morning and Sue, Ben, and Alicia had just dropped her off at her apartment. Her bob cut wig was askew on her head and she’d broken the strap on one of her shoes, so she was walking awkwardly (of course her drunken stumbling wasn’t really helping matters). She’d lost her shawl somewhere along the way, which she wasn’t overly upset about since it hadn’t been vintage or important but managed to save her flapper dress, with all the fancy beadwork, from damage. The burgundy colored dress she’d bought was elaborately decorated with beaded roses and had long black fringe that started from just below her hips to mid-shin level, letting her swish and sway with every step and she loved it! She was happy she’d had Sue snap a couple of photos of her and Johnny--in his red zoot suit complete with wingtip shoes and vintage fedora--before she’d gotten so trashed.

She’d shown Johnny, and the others in her group, how to Charleston and how to do the Breakaway and the Lindy Hop and she shimmied her way around the floor like a pro. As a result her dance card filled up almost immediately with several of the more enthusiastic men attending the event. It was, Darcy thought, the most fun evening out she’d had since moving to New York. She was even more excited to hear that the club was having another theme night in a month, the Fabulous Forties and they had a swing band coming in to play for it; she even had the perfect dress in mind for it!

When she needed a break from all the strangers, she’d joined Sue, Alicia, and Ben at the table reserved for them. Sue had also come solo, since Reed was so embroiled in the Bifrost project with the others, he couldn’t bear to tear himself away for, in his exact words, a night of fun and frivolity. Darcy had winced at the expression on Sue’s face when he said it; she had a feeling it was good thing sharp objects could simply bounce off Reed without inflicting serious damage, since she had a feeling Sue might be paying him back for his comments for quite some time. Ben pulled Alicia out for some of the slow dances, when she was less likely to get trampled by overly exuberant dancers. His giant yellow Dick Tracey-esque trench-coat made Darcy giggle every time she looked at it, though it went surprisingly well with the deep green dress Alicia wore. Sue had gone for a white and silver number that made her look even tanner than normal and made the highlights in her hair pop.

Johnny had, of course, ended up leaving with the blonde singer, whose name happened to be Candy. Darcy wondered if Candy moonlit as a stripper on weeknights, because, seriously, _Candy?!_ He’d been surprisingly fun company before he’d gone off with Candy, since he was light on his feet when it came to dancing and he’d been more than willing to pick up the tab, both for their drinks _and_ the shopping trip they’d gone on, since he’d been so pleased with her choice of clothing for him. She figured the red suit fit his flaming personality well, and he had looked quite the dapper fella in it. It had been nice meeting Alicia too, she’d been not only super sweet, she was surprisingly good at handling Johnny’s bullshit, and Darcy was happy to find a kindred spirit.

At the moment, though, the only thing she’d be happy about finding would be her bed, because she was exhausted. She planned to sleep away most of her Sunday, before rousing herself late in the afternoon for some takeout food and some serious Netflix time. Stumbling multiple times, Darcy eventually made it up to her apartment before collapsing onto her bed, too tired to deal with changing or washing off her makeup.

She’d only been asleep for a few hours before the blaring of her phone woke her. Blearily, Darcy rubbed at her eyes as she half rolled, half fell off her bed. She’d forgotten to take out her contacts before she’d passed out, so her eyes felt dry as well as crunchy from her flaking makeup. Stumbling over a shoe left on the floor, she made it to her phone and answered it just before Jane’s ringtone, “Intergalactic”, switched over to voicemail.

“‘lo?” Darcy mumbled.

“Oh my God, Darcy. We did it!”

“Huh? Did what Jane? And, holy crap it’s only 7 am? God, why did you have to call me so early?” Darcy whined. She was pretty sure she was still drunk, since her hangover hadn’t kicked in yet.

“Did you hear me Darcy? We did it! We ran the simulation five times and it worked every time! We can open up the Bifrost!” Jane’s rather shrill shriek of happiness was what finally startled Darcy into complete alertness.

“Oh. Em. Gee!” Darcy sank onto the sofa in shock, grateful she managed to land on it and not topple to the floor.

“I know, I know! All we need is someplace to set the machine up, outside of the city, of course, since we don’t want to open another portal through space in New York.”

“Oh yeah, Manhattan is still recovering from the last one. Dude, I’ll call Coulson. I bet he knows someplace we can use to open it up. Jane, you're gonna bring Thor back. This is so freaking cool!”

“I know!”

“What do you need from S.H.I.E.L.D.? I can ask Coulson for whatever you need, I’m sure he can get it.”

“It’ll take about two days to get all the equipment set up wherever we choose as as a location. Maybe a warehouse or a barn or something? Anywhere outside of the city, will do, as long as there’s electricity or an industrial generator we can use. Erik and I can get everything technical set up, once we get it transported out, but we’ll need you for data collection and filming the Bifrost generation for readings. There’s so much I need to do before we open the portal, I want to make sure we’re recording it on every possible scanner and device we have to get the most accurate readings possible. I should contact Doctor--”

“Jane?” Darcy said as the call cut off. “Jane?!” Realizing Jane had probably gone off on a tangent and hung up the phone without meaning to, Darcy rolled her eyes. Squinting at her phone screen, she pulled up Coulson in her address book and dialed. While she waited for it to connect, she pulled the bobby pins holding her wig on out, and pulled the wig off.

“Coulson.”

“Phil! Jane just called me, the Bifrost machine is up! The simulations all worked, they’re ready to activate it.” She scraped her nails along her scalp and nearly moaned at how good it felt after sleeping in her wig.

“I see... and when are they planning on doing this?”

“Um, as soon as they can find someplace to set it up. Jane said they need someplace out in the open, not necessarily a field or whatever, but someplace away from the city. In case it’s not Thor and his buddies on the other side, she says she doesn’t want to risk opening it in the middle of New York.”

“Understandable. Does she have someplace in mind?” Darcy could hear Coulson clicking away on a keyboard and imagined he was updating Fury while she spoke with him.

“No, not really. She thought maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. had someplace we can use? Like a barn or a warehouse or something similar.”

“That can be arranged. What else does she need Darcy?”

“She said it’ll be about two days for her and Erik to get the generator completely set up, and that she needs my help for data collection and stuff. They need either an industrial generator or electrical access to operate the Bifrost machine and some way to transport all the equipment to the new location. I think Jane’s ready to fire it up as soon as she possibly can.”

“We can do that. Tell Doctor Foster that S.H.I.E.L.D. we'll have vans and operatives at the lab tomorrow morning at eight to help load all the equipment up. We have an unused airplane hangar near Poughkeepsie, that she can use for as long as she needs it. It has electricity already, but we’ll secure an industrial generator, just in case, and it will be waiting for her by the time everything arrives on-site.”

“Um, don’t you want to call her and get all the details hammered out?”

“I’ve got another call it's long past time to make, Darcy. As my assistant and hers, you’ll have to be certain Doctor Foster gets everything she needs.”

“Oh, um, okay. Who do you have to call?” She wondered aloud.

“It’s time to call back our team. It’s time to assemble the Avengers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, sorry this took longer than I expected it to, RL was a real bitch this week. Plus, I knew how I wanted this chapter to start and how I wanted it to end, but it took me a bit to work out the middle, especially since the 20s night wouldn’t leave me alone until I found a way to make it work. Next up, the return of the Avengers and our first little bit of Darcy/Steve action! :D
> 
> If you want to see the 20s dress I had in mind for Darcy: http://www.unique-vintage.com/1920s-style-black-beaded-rosalie-flapper-dress-p-19845.html
> 
> For Johnny’s Zoot Suit: https://www.zootsuitstore.com/Shopping/assets/clothing/ultrabg.jpg
> 
> Alicia’s dress: http://www.tias.com/stores/klassicline/pictures/3mma.jpg
> 
> Sue’s dress: http://www.unique-vintage.com/ivory-silver-beaded-fringe-reproduction-flapper-dress-p-3665.html


	5. Chapter Five: Guess Who Just Got Back Today, Them Wild-Eyed Boys That Had Been Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy, Jane, and Erik head to upstate New York to set-up the Bifrost machine, where they're joined by Coulson and the Avengers just in time for Jane to fire it up

**Chapter Five: Guess Who Just Got Back Today, Them Wild-Eyed Boys That Had Been Away**

 

Darcy hummed along to the soundtrack of _Chicago_ while she checked the settings on a couple of Jane’s machines.  It was Wednesday morning, just three days since the call from Jane that had landed her here, in a freezing ass airplane hangar owned by S.H.I.E.L.D. in the middle of bumfuck New York.  Coulson had said it was near Poughkeepsie, but that was like saying France was in Europe.  It was _technically_ true, but only in the vaguest sense of things.  The hangar S.H.I.E.L.D. had lent out to them was over an hour away from the nearest town large enough to have a supermarket.

The hangar was also, inconveniently, lacking any sort of heating or insulation.  And it was two weeks away from November. In upstate New York.  Darcy knew she had on about four layers of clothing more than a normal person would, but she’d felt frozen solid for most of the last two days.  In fact, Erik seemed to be the only one of them not turned into a human popsicle, primarily since he’d grown up in much worse conditions.  _At least it’s not fucking snowing, ‘cause then I’d just curl up and die_ , Darcy thought grumpily.

Once they’d arrived onsite Monday afternoon, Darcy had realized that there was not much by way of places to sleep.  She’d taken two of the mandatory four S.H.I.E.L.D. agents they’d been assigned with her to a camping supply store, in the same town as the nearest grocery store, and they’d had to buy sleeping bags, air mattresses, tents, and because Darcy had insisted, a mini space heater.  They’d also had to pick up groceries and other necessities, since the general store in the town closest to the hangar had limited options.  

So while Jane and Erik got the machine up, Reed having been called away--along with the rest of the Fantastic Four--to deal with a sighting of Von Doom, Darcy made the hangar as livable as she could for the seven of them.  There was, at least, a functioning bathroom in the hangar, located next to what had probably been a manager’s office at one point.  There was a desk, some empty file cabinets, and a sofa that was probably older than Darcy, but it was clean.  As she and Jane were the only females, they’d taken the little office as their “bedroom” for the duration of their stay.

That rather decrepit sofa was where Jane was at the moment, taking a nap that Darcy had somewhat forced onto her.  Jane had been so excited ever since she’d called Darcy on Sunday morning, that she hadn’t really slept, other than napping in the van during their drive from the city.  Since they were essentially at a standstill right now, waiting for Coulson and his group to arrive, Darcy had made Jane lie down for a bit.  Thoughts of Coulson made Darcy glance at her watch again, and frown when she realized how late it was getting. Coulson and his group were three hours late; Darcy had tried to call to check in, but the cell reception was spotty at best.  Even her advanced Stark technology phone couldn’t hold onto the signal during her check-ins for the last two days.  Yesterday’s call was dropped only thirty-seconds in and she’d barely managed to get a single bar of reception for the rest of the day.

When she’d asked him if the group he was bringing was, in fact, the Avengers, his only response had been, “I can neither confirm nor deny that fact.”  Shaking her head, Darcy went back to double checking the settings for all the recording devices Jane had requested.  Erik had taken a couple of the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents into the nearest town for some hot food and coffee to bring back from the small diner they had, since they didn’t know when to expect Coulson and the others.  She figured the other two agents were either off doing surveillance or having a bit of a lie down themselves, since it was pretty quiet out there.

When “Nowadays” came on the speakers, Darcy turned the volume up as she awkwardly danced around.  With so many layers of clothes and her clunkiest--but warmest!--boots on and the lack of feeling in her toes, it was a miracle she was able to stay on her feet.  When she got to Roxie and Velma’s segment, she started singing along as she did the Charleston across the floor, “And that’s good, Isn’t it grand? Isn’t it great? Isn’t it swell? Isn’t it fun? Isn’t it?  But nothing stays. In 50 years or so, it’s gonna change ya know. But oh its heaven, nowadays!” 

“I wasn’t aware we were attending an amateur Broadway night, Agent.” said an unmistakable voice behind her.

Without turning her head, Darcy replied, “My singing may be amateur Stark, but my dancing is above reproach.  Well, it is when I’m not so frozen I can’t feel my toes.”  Turning around slowly, Darcy came face to face with Coulson and the Avengers, though they were all dressed in civilian clothes and not their uniforms.

“Still, you couldn’t pick something a little more... modern, than Chicago?”

“You got a problem with jazz, Stark?  Or musicals? Oh wait, it’s music with class, and I forgot that despite being rich, you have no class. Never mind then...” Darcy said with a smirk.  Coulson had warned her that if she let Stark walk all over her at the beginning, she’d never gain any ground back, so Darcy had decided she go straight for the jugular. Starks eyebrows shot up, and he smirked a little, but didn’t comment.  Ignoring the others, for now, she turned to her boss.

“Son of Coul!” Darcy said with a grin. “Thanks for sending us out to this shithole of a S.H.I.E.L.D. property.” Though she was looking straight at her boss, she could see the looks she got from the others at her comment.  “It’s crappy, it’s cold, and it’s in the middle of nowhere.  As if that didn’t suck enough, you show up late!” Coulson just sighed.

“You can blame our tardiness on Mr. Stark, as he was late arriving for our flight. Where are Doctors Foster and Selvig?  And the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents I sent with you?”  Coulson asked, looking around with a bit of a frown at the lack of people visible.

“Jane is taking a forced nap back in the little office before she passes out from lack of sleep and Agents Johnson and Wilson are somewhere around here,” she said gesturing around the building. “Erik went with Agent James and Agent Grabby-Hands into town to get food.”

“Agent...Grabby-Hands?” asked the guy Darcy knew was Clint Barton, sniper extraordinaire and all around badass S.H.I.E.L.D. operative.

“Yep, he doesn’t get to go by his name since he decided it was ‘okay’ for him to cop a feel.” Darcy said, making quotation marks with her fingers as she said okay. Then she paused a beat. “ _Twice.”_

“Agent Thompson will be dealt with Darcy.” Coulson said with a scowl.  Darcy waved him off.

“No biggie, Boss-Man, I already took care of it.  Since I’m still down my taser,” she said with a bit of a pout, “I kneed him in the balls and then punched him in the face.  He’s got a pretty impressive looking shiner, if I do say so myself.” At the looks of shock she got from everyone _except_ Coulson, Darcy knew they were surprised. “ _What?!_ I _can_ take care of myself you know.  And hey! That reminds me boss-man, can I get reimbursed for a new taser since it _technically_ got destroyed on the job?”

“Yes, a replacement has already been ordered for you, Darcy.” Coulson replied at the same moment Stark asked, “How did you destroy a _taser_ while working at S.H.I.E.L.D.?” 

“Storm lit up after I tased his ass and he fried the prongs.” Darcy said with a scowl.

“Wait...You tased who?” 

“Johnny Storm? The Human Torch? Man of a thousand STDs?”  Darcy answered.  

“You tased Johnny Storm.” Starks face was blank for all of three seconds, before a shit-eating grin spread across it. “Agent,” Stark said, turning to face Coulson, “I love her.  Can we keep her?”  Darcy busted up laughing at Stark’s response.  Coulson even smiled, which made Darcy even happier.

“Have no worries, Stark.  Director Fury has practically _demanded_ that we keep Darcy, since the video of her tasing Storm makes _him_ laugh after bad days.” Coulson smirked.  “Actually, it was Director Fury who ordered you a new taser,” he said, turning to Darcy.  “It’s military grade, very durable, in case you need to use it on any other superheroes.” At that, Coulson shot a look straight at Stark, who didn’t notice. Darcy, however, did and she snorted as the others shot her a wary look.

“Wait there’s video?!” Stark asked delightedly, before whipping his phone out and rapidly tapping out something on the touchscreen.

“Not that I’m not stoked on the new taser, cause I _so am_! But my old one was good too, besides being a gift from my Uncle, it was pretty damn strong.  Not just any old taser could have knocked Tall, Blonde, and Cut on his ass when we first met, you know?” 

“Who?” asked Natasha Romanova, aka the Black Widow.  Darcy was more terrified of her than any of the other Avengers, because as skittish as everyone in S.H.I.E.L.D. was of Coulson and Fury, they were considered cute little baby bunnies compared to the Black Widow, who could kill people who pissed her off and get away with it.  As hot as all the other Avengers were, Darcy doubted anyone else looked nearly as hot and badass taking out villains as Black Widow did.  Plus, as a fellow busty lady herself, Darcy had to admit that Natasha’s rack was damn impressive.

“Thor,” both Darcy and Coulson answered.

“I’m--I’m sorry. Did you just say you tased Thor? Thor, God of Thunder? Thor that summons _lightening_ with his hammer?”  Bruce Banner asked, more than a little incredulously.  The guy who could go tall, green, and mean seemed kind of timid and bookish, not to mention more than a little rumpled, when he wasn’t bulldozing Harlem or smashing Chitauris through buildings.  His glasses slipped down his nose a bit and he shoved them back up with his finger, before they could slide off completely. _Awww_ , _he’s kind of adorable,_ Darcy thought before answering his question.

“Dude, it was nighttime and he was screaming ‘Hammer!’ at us out in the middle of the desert.” Darcy said, while doing her best Thor impersonation, thrusting her fist in the air as though waiting for Mew-Mew to arrive. “He totes scared the crap outta Erik, Jane, and me, so yeah, I tased his super muscle-y ass.” She heard snickers from Barton and from Stark, while Banner and the Black Widow looked bemused.  The Captain on the other hand, well, he seemed kind of confused.  Darcy wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t get what was so funny or if it was because he didn’t get _her_ , but he was apparently not amused.  “Anyway, my taser was the least of his worries, since Jane hit him with a van. _Twice!_   Not that it really seemed to do a whole ton of damage.  He did more damage to our stash of Pop-Tarts than the van did to him,” she mused aloud.

“Darcy, how long do you think Doctor Selvig will be gone for?” Coulson asked, in what Darcy thought was a rather obvious change of topic.

“Hmmm, they left like an hour ago? So probably pretty soon, it’s about 20 minutes into the nearest town, and they were just getting us food and some decent coffee, so they should be back within fifteen minutes or so.”

“Ok, excellent.  Could you please go get Doctor Foster, so we can get things started once Doctor Selvig gets back?”

“Sure thing boss-man! And hands off the iPod, Stark!” Darcy snapped, catching Stark just before he could lift it out of the dock.  

“You know the new Stark music player is a far superior piece of technology than this is,” he called after her.

“Don’t care!” Darcy yelled back, over her shoulder, as she headed to her and Jane’s makeshift bedroom.  She could hear Tony say something, but due to to the acoustics in the hangar, his words were lost to her as she opened the door to the small office. As she stepped into the room, she spotted Jane instantly.  The physicist was curled up on the sofa under the blanket Darcy had gotten for her and was fast asleep.  Darcy hated to wake her--since Jane so rarely managed any restful sleep--but not only did Coulson need her, but Jane herself would be angry if she discovered Darcy had delayed waking her and therefore delaying the opening of the Bifrost, just so she could sleep a bit longer.  With a sigh, Darcy knelt next to the sofa and gently shook Jane’s arm.

“Jane, Jane wake up.” After a moment or two, Jane’s eyes opened and she blinked owlishly at Darcy for a few seconds before she responded.

“Darcy? What is it? What’s happened?”  Jane murmured, blearily rubbing her eyes.

“Coulson and the Avengers are here, Jane.  And Erik will be back any minute now.  It’s time for you to bring that brawny man-hunk of yours back to Earth.”

“Oh!” Jane exclaimed, suddenly sitting upright. “Ok, let’s go!” For someone who’d been unconscious only moments before, Jane was surprisingly alert. She pushed herself to her feet and was almost to the door before Darcy could react.

“Wait! Jane--your hair!” Darcy called, gesturing towards her own head.  Jane reached up and when she felt the snarled mess on her head, she winced.  Grabbing a hair brush from her boss’ bag, Darcy helped Jane to detangle it and then pulled it back into a neat ponytail.

“Um, how do I look?” Jane asked nervously, tugging on the hem of her worn Culver Science Department tee-shirt. Darcy knew Jane was only asking in the event the Bifrost opened and Thor came through.  Jane couldn’t care less about how Coulson or the Avengers viewed her, but Darcy knew she wanted to look nice for Thor.  Running an appraising eye over her friend, Darcy was pleasantly surprised at how Jane looked.  Though her shirt was old, it was clean and only slightly rumpled from the nap and Jane’s jeans were of the non-holey variety, which was truly a miracle, in Darcy’s opinion.  Now that her hair was brushed, Jane looked about as presentable as she was going to get without access to a shower and a fancy wardrobe selection.

“Looking good, boss-lady!” Darcy said, shooting her two thumbs up.  Jane laughed before opening the office door and heading out into the hangar, Darcy right behind her.  By the time they’d reached where Coulson and the Avengers were, they’d discovered that Erik had returned with their food and coffee.  Coulson was speaking with his two agents, including Grabby-Hands, while Erik was talking cheerfully with all the Avengers.  Knowing that Jane would never eat if she began the process of starting up the Bifrost machine, Darcy forced her into a chair before handing the styrofoam container to her.

“Eat. Now, or I’m not letting you touch the Bifrost machine.”  Out of the corner of her eye, Darcy could see the Captain raising his eyebrows at her tone.  Barton and Stark were cracking up at something that was on Tony’s phone, while Natasha had wandered over towards Coulson and the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.  Dr Banner was busy saying something to Erik about something science-y while Erik was scarfing down his meatloaf sandwich and nodding his head in agreement.

“Darcy!” Jane protested.

“Nope, non-negotiable.  All you’ve eaten since yesterday were two packets of pop-tarts and a package of Twizzlers.  Now eat!” Darcy said with a frown.  Despite her best efforts, Darcy hadn’t been able to get Jane to gain any weight since she reassumed her role as assistant all those months ago.  Jane simply didn’t get hungry when she was in a Science! craze, and as a result, was about twenty pounds underweight.  Darcy loved her friend, but the frantic creative kicks she’d go on weren’t healthy for her.  Besides, if Thor _did_ arrive, Darcy was sure Jane would want her energy levels high for all the bedroom gymnastics the two of them would--more than likely--be getting up to.  Jane shot her a sullen look, but reluctantly began to eat.

Turning to grab her own hot lunch from where Erik had set it, Darcy ran face first into a brick wall.  Or, well, it felt like a brick wall at any rate.  It turned out to be the rather expansive ( _and_ _really, incredibly buff!)_ chest of Steve Rogers, American hero. 

“Ow!” Darcy cried, as she smashed her nose and her glasses dug into her cheeks from the impact.  Since her forward moment was halted so abruptly, her body started to fall backwards before Darcy found herself suddenly gripped by two warm hands, and no longer falling backwards.  Over Steve’s shoulder she could hear Stark and Barton burst into laughter, and Darcy grimaced in embarrassment, more than in any actual pain.

“I’m so sorry!  I wanted to introduced myself, ma’am and instead ran you over. I really didn’t mean to crash into you.” Steve said, earnestly.

“No worries dude,” Darcy muttered as she rubbed her nose and adjusted her glasses.  She glanced up to look him in the eyes and was startled by how blue they were. _Day-um! The pictures in his S.H.I.E.L.D. file definitely do_ not _do him justice._ “What did you need?”

“I just wanted to say hello, and um, introduce myself?” Darcy thought it was adorable how nervous he was.  His cheeks were flushed and he was nervously rubbing the bock of his neck.  _Seriously, can this man be any more adorable? And hot, I can’t forget the hot part..._ “Agent Coulson says you’re going help get me caught up with everything?”

“Oh! Yeah, I kind of forgot about that.  It’s been a few months since he told me and well, since I’m only _now_ getting to meet you, it kinda slipped my mind.  This is gonna be awesome, I promise! No jack-booted thugs,” she jerked her thumb over her shoulder, towards where the S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents were mulling around, “are gonna catch you up on history and pop-culture, I swear.” At this, the Cap gave her a little grin and Darcy could swear her panties might have just melted. Only a little bit, but it happened.

“And um, you’re okay? I really didn’t mean to slam into you, you just spun around quicker than I was expecting, ma’am.”

“First off, _please_ never call me ma’am again. I know you’re just being polite, but I’m not old enough to be a ma’am, so you can just call me Darcy.  And secondly, I’m totally fine,” she said waving it off. “The only thing injured was my pride and I can safely say it’s taken way worse hits than that.” 

“Oh, um, then you can call me Steve, ma--Darcy.” Darcy grinned at the sheepish smile he shot her when he caught himself calling her ma’am.

“Sweet! Well, Steve, I don’t want to be rude, but I think there’s a cheeseburger over there with my name on it, and I’m _starving_.  So I’ll talk you you later, ok?” Steve just smiled and nodded, so Darcy grabbed her food and then plopped down in a chair next to Jane, who despite her protests had nearly inhaled all her food.  Darcy, flipped up the top of the container and was hit with the delicious aroma of a bacon cheeseburger. Humming in delight she chowed down, since she knew that once Jane and Erik had finished their food, they’d want to get right down to business, so she had precious little time to waste.  

A few minutes later Darcy had managed to finish the burger and half of her fries when Jane announced, “Alright, let’s do this.”  Casting a forlorn look at the rest of her food, Darcy closed the takeout box and stood up.  Coulson and his Agents, as well as the Avengers moved towards Jane, Erik, and Darcy.

“Erik, I need you to flip the additional generators on.  Darcy, is the recording equipment ready?”

“All set up next to the machine, Jane,” Darcy answered, gesturing towards the Bifrost generator, which was located next to the closed hangar doors.

“Can somebody open the hangar doors for us?” Jane asked, walking towards the machine she’d been working on for the last eighteen months.

“I can do that ma’am.” Steve offered.  He, along with two of the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, walked over towards the rather decrepit doors and got to work opening them, while Darcy began to flip the switches and power up the multitude of devices she was in charge of.  Jane’s head was bent over the control panel of the machine, verifying all her settings were still correct from the simulation they’d run yesterday.  Behind her, she could hear the sounds of the remaining people stepping up behind her, even over the sudden humming of the power generators Erik had turned on.

“So _that’s_ the machine that’s going to create a bridge between here and Asgard? Huh, I thought it’d be bigger,” said Tony, from behind her.

“That’s what she said,” Darcy replied, just loud enough for Stark and Barton to hear her, but not loud enough for Jane to.  She heard a snort behind her and turned to see Barton grinning like a fool and Tony shaking his head ruefully. Barton held out his fist, and with a grin, Darcy bumped it with her own.

“I walked right into _that one_ , didn’t I?” Tony said with a laugh.  Darcy just smirked and went back to work. “Bee tee dubs, that video with Storm was amazing.  Allow me to offer you both congratulations and a thank you for that.  He hit on Pepper at a charity event a few months back, but she couldn’t do anything about it since it was in public.  That video will make her _very_ happy.”

“Sweet! Maybe she can thank me with the name of where she gets her shoes! She’s always got the sweetest kicks when she’s in magazines and I’m not ashamed to say I have shoe envy.”

“She’ll probably _give_ you a pair of shoes as a thank you, you know.” Tony said with an amused smirk, which turned into an amused grin as Darcy squealed in excitement.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just swooning with excitement over here. Shoes! Pepper Potts’ shoes! Oh!” Darcy said dramatically, with the top of her hand pressed to her forehead the way ladies always did before they fainted in old movies.

“Don’t swoon so hard you hurt yourself,” came the wry voice of Dr. Banner.  He shot Darcy a look, and she burst into laughter.

“Oh man, working with you guys is going to be awesome beyond belief! The humor, the sarcasm, the snark! I can see it now,” she said, gesturing in front of her as though reading a billboard. “Secret government agency assistant, snarked to death by superheroes.”

“I wouldn’t say we’re superheroes,” said Dr. Banner, crossing his arms as he leaned on the table.

“Speak for yourself, Bruce.” Tony said with a cheesy grin.  “I’m definitely a superhero.”

“Oh you’re super all right, Stark. A super _ass_!” Darcy said as the other cracked up around her. Even Steve, who had just joined them, laughed, and that made Darcy happy.  She wasn’t sure why, but she had a feeling Steve didn’t smile a whole lot.

“Darcy, are you ready?” Jane asked, from behind her.  Spinning back around, Darcy checked her equipment over before shooting Jane a thumbs up.  Erik, who was manning some of the controls that would need adjustment during the actual opening of the Bifrost stood at the ready.

Darcy grabbed the video camera and went to stand next to Jane.  In theory, once the machine was on, it would open up the bridge to Asgard on the small metal platform five feet in front of the machine.  The platform had been set up outside the hangar, since any travelers would be coming down from the sky, otherwise they’d come crashing through the rooftop.  The hangar doors needed to be open so that the platform would activate when the machine was flipped on. Getting the camcorder turned on and focused on the platform in front of her, Darcy nodded.  Out of the corner of her eye she could see the Avengers stepping up next to her, should they be needed in case of trouble.

“All set! Ready when you are, Jane.”  With a nod, Jane flipped the switch and the Bifrost generator began to hum.  Then it began to whine.  Darcy struggled to keep the camera focused on the platform as heavy wind began to pick up around them, creating a wind tunnel.  Next to her, Jane was shouting something at Erik, but her voice was lost in the violent wind.  Erik, however, seemed to understand because Darcy saw him adjust some of the setting knobs on the machine.  The wind kicked up higher and Darcy staggered back, only to be stopped by the solid form of Steve, who’d stepped behind her when he realized she was losing her balance.  Darcy shot him a grateful smile over her shoulder before bringing her left hand up to try and steady the wavering camera, suddenly glad she had decided against using a tripod.

The whine of the machine became a shrill shriek, like the whistle of a teapot when the water had boiled.  Darcy wished she could cover her ears, but with the camera in her hands, it wasn’t an option.  Jane was crouching next to the Bifrost generator, avoiding the worst of the wind when Darcy saw her hit the red button on the side of the machine. All at once, despite the still violent wind and the violently working generators, it was silent in the hangar.  And then the lights started.  A prism of colors splashed across the metal platform that served as the ‘landing pad’ for several seconds and then suddenly, with a resounding boom, there was a figure crouching on the platform. 

Jane let out a shriek and hit the red button again, instantly killing all the power to the Bifrost machine and the power generators.  The figure--tall, blonde, and carrying his massive hammer--had barely stood up when Jane was launching herself into his arms. “Thor!” She cried.  Darcy grinned as she turned off the camcorder.  Jane had done it; she’d created a machine that could allow travel across space, and time, to another world and she’d managed to bring Thor back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter would have been out at the end of last week, except I went up to WonderCon in Anaheim over Easter weekend and ended up being so exhausted that I didn’t have the energy to write the last few pages of the chapter. :(
> 
> On the plus side I got to see Agent Coulson himself, Clark Gregg, since he was on the panel for Joss’ new movie, “Much Ado About Nothing”. I also managed to snag myself some fun Cap memorabilia, to add to my ever expanding collection of Cap stuff. :) Sorry for the delay, but I hope the arrival of the Avengers will make up for it!
> 
> Next chapter Darcy and Coulson will be visiting the X-Mansion, Darcy notices a startling similarity in Steve and Johnny, and the first pop-culture/history lesson!


	6. We Don’t Need no Education, We Don’t Need no Thought Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Avengers celebration party at Stark Tower leads to a surprising discovery and Darcy and Coulson arrive in Westchester

**Chapter Six: We don’t need no education, we don’t need no thought control**

 

Jane and Thor stayed locked in their passionate embrace for longer than most of the other people around them were comfortable for.  Even after some subtle, and then some not-so-subtle throat clearing, the two remained locked at the lips.  Since it rather looked like Jane wanted to climb Thor like a tree--and hey, who was Darcy to blame her--continuing to watch them was making Darcy, and everyone else, a little hot under the collar.

“Well, this is uncomfortable,” Dr. Banner muttered, averting his eyes.  He made a pained looking grimace as he rocked back on his heels, hands firmly stuffed into his pockets.  Darcy snorted at the complete _obviousness_ of his comment, but didn’t respond.

“Let’s, uh, give them all some privacy,” Steve suggested from behind Darcy. With muttered agreements, the rest of them shuffled back towards the front of the hangar, near where Darcy and the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had set up the tents two days ago.

“So....” Tony started, “I heard this great joke yesterday, about a priest, a--” 

“Darcy,” Coulson said, cutting off Stark.  Darcy figured he had no desire to listen to whatever inappropriate joke Tony had come with, so had decided to intervene.  “How was your party the other night?”

“Oh! It was awesome! Especially since I made Johnny buy my drinks for me since the outfit I picked out for him had this singer he was trying to impress fall all over him.  And I taught the others to dance, it was great!  I think Sue even got some video of it.”

“Wait, there was a party and _I_ wasn’t invited. I’m hurt, truly.” Tony said, holding his hand to his heart--well in _his_ case, Arc reactor--as though mortally wounded.  Darcy scoffed and waved him off.

“First off, totally had never met you to be able to invite you.  And second, I’ve seen pictures of the types of parties you go to, Stark. A flashback party in a Brooklyn dive is definitely not your usual scene, though if you promise to pay for my booze, I’ll invite you to the next one.” Darcy offered with a smirk.

“Done!” Tony said with a grin and stuck his hand out.  With a satisfied grin, Darcy shook it, to seal the deal.

“What’s a flashback party?”  Steve asked.

“Oh! Well, it’s a party where everybody dresses up from another era and they play music that’s time period appropriate, which is why they call it a flashback party, since it’s like you’re, you know, flashing back to another time? It’s actually really fun, depending on the era of course.” Darcy said seriously.

“What era was the party you were at, Darcy?” asked Natasha. 

“The Roaring 20s!  They had a swing band there playing a bunch of songs and the cabaret singer--the one Johnny hooked up with--she sang some of the slower songs.  There were people dressed up in flapper dresses and zoot suits and some people came dressed up like mobsters with the fake Tommy guns and everything.”

“Ah, that explains the ‘Chicago’ songs, then,” Tony said with a grin. 

“Yeah, it’s been stuck in my head since Saturday night. Well, _technically_ Sunday morning, since I don’t think I made it home until almost four in the morning.” Darcy said with a slight frown. Shaking it off, Darcy suddenly grinned before grabbing Steve’s-- _oh my God he’s so freaking ripped!_ \--arm.  “You have to come to the next one Cap!  It’s the fabulous Forties!  It’ll be awesome!”  Ignoring the looks of amusement shot at her by Stark and Barton, Darcy focused on Steve’s face, which really wasn’t a hardship since he was one of the handsomest men she’d ever seen.

“There’s one for the forties?”

“Yep! I looked up some of the bands that’ll be playing and they sound really good.    Give you a little taste of home with a bit of a modern twist.  You in?” Darcy asked him, giving him a teasing slug against his arm only to wince when it actually hurt her hand.  Shaking it off, she gave him a hopeful grin only to freeze when she saw his cheeks flush. _Holy heroes, Batman, what a hottie!_ Darcy thought wryly. She’d be lucky if she could get through the Catch-Up the Cap lessons she was supposed to be giving him without drooling every time she looked at him.  _More American than apple pie and_ definitely _a whole lot yummier!_

“Are you, uh, asking me to dance, ma’am?” Steve said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, cheeks still adorably pink.  Darcy heard snickers from the peanut gallery but heard Coulson mutter a discreet, “Shut it Stark or I’m calling Pepper,” and the other Avengers quieted down. 

 _“_ What do you say Rogers? Think a Joe like you could go to a hop at a gin joint with a dame like me?” Darcy said with a sassy wink, trying to keep her nerves from showing. Steve burst out laughing at her invite, which wasn’t really the reaction Darcy was hoping for, but after a few moments he’d managed to stop laughing, though he was grinning broadly. 

“Ma’am.  A Joe like me would be honored to take a dame like you to the hop, but I gotta warn ya, I’m a dead hoofer,” he said seriously.

“No worries doll, I’m aces at it.” Darcy was grinning now too, as everyone else seemed confused by what they were saying.

“What just happened? I feel so left out. Are we no longer the cool kids, Bruce? Natasha? Clint?” Tony asked.  “Seriously, because I feel as though I need a translator for this conversation.”

“Not everything is about you Stark,” Coulson said, with a slight smirk.  Tony opened his mouth to object to that statement when a booming, “My friends!” came from behind them.  As a group they turned to see Thor and a disheveled Jane making their way over towards them.  Darcy shot Jane a discreet thumbs up and Jane bit her lip to keep from grinning too broadly.

Thor, as large and buff as ever, was dressed in what Darcy had come to think of as casual!Thor.  He was minus his billowing cape and some of his heavier armor, but was still in the elaborate clothing of Asgard.  With a broad grin, he man-hugged and back slapped the hands of his fellow Avengers, before facing Coulson.

“Son of Coul!  I am most happy to see you!  However, I must apologize on behalf of my brother for the injuries you sustained at his hands.” Thor said solemnly, before bowing to Darcy’s boss.  

“Thanks Thor, though I don’t blame you for your crazy brother’s actions.  Good to see you back on Earth under better circumstances.” Coulson said, offering Thor his hand, which Thor shook heartily, smiling again.  And then he turned.

“Lady Darcy! My good friend!”  He cried before sweeping Darcy up into a bone-crushingly strong hug.  Laughing, Darcy threw her arms around his neck and hugged him back for all she was worth.  Although, Thor had only been with them for a matter of days during his visit to Puente Antiguo, Darcy viewed him as the older brother she’d always wished she had. After several long moments, Thor set her down, and then grinned at her, “I am most pleased that this time you did not fell me with your magical lightening box, Lady Darcy.”  Darcy snorted with laughter before she could respond.

“To be fair, I didn’t know you then and you freaked me out, so yeah, I tasered you.  You’re my homeboy now, so I would never tase you,” she said with a grin, nudging him with her shoulder.  Thor’s bewildered look at ‘homeboy‘ only added to Darcy’s good humor. “Besides, my ‘magical lightening box’ was destroyed in the line of duty, so I need to replace it.”

“I am sorry for the loss of your magical box, my friend, but I am certain you do not need it to vanquish your foes.” Thor said with a smile,

“I totally don’t but Son of Coul here is replacing it with a newer, better one, so I won’t be without it for much longer.” Darcy said with a smile.  

“Right,” Tony said with a grin, rubbing his hands together. “Now that we’re all reunited, who’s up for a celebration feast? My treat.” He rocked back on his heels in anticipation of everyone’s agreement.

“Excellent idea, my friend!” Thor beamed at Tony.  “Traveling between worlds is hungry work, and I very much like the foods Midgard has to offer!” 

“Great! Party at my Tower, then?  I can call in for some shawarma?” Tony offered, holing up his phone.

“No!” said every Avenger, except Thor, simultaneously.  Eyebrows raised, Darcy shot a look at Jane and then Coulson, who just shrugged.

“What’s the deal with shawarma?” Darcy asked the group.

“Just--you don’t wanna know...” Bruce said with a grimace and a shake of his head.  Steve looked slightly ill at the prospect, while Natasha was attempting to kill Tony with a look alone.

“I’d just like to say you’re all party-poopers, and really no fun at all,” Tony said, as though truly upset at their refusal.

“Everyone, if you’d like to head back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. jet, we can head back to the city now.” Coulson offered.

“Oh, but the equipment--”Jane trailed off.  Darcy knew as much as Jane wanted to stay with Thor, the prospect of leaving her equipment behind was physically painful to her.

“Already being taken care of Doctor Foster.  My men,” Coulson gestured to the four men who’d accompanied them to the hangar, “will work with Doctor Selvig, who has graciously offered to stay behind to ensure it’s all handled properly.  It will be back in your lab by tomorrow afternoon.”

“Oh, Erik,” Jane said, turning to see Erik.

“Go Jane, I’ll be fine.  You go along with Thor and the other young people and have fun.” Erik said with a smile.  “I think you’ve earned a night off.”

“If you’re sure,” Jane said uncertainly.  Darcy guessed she didn’t want to leave Erik if her really needed her, but her friend clearly wanted to go with her blonde man-hunk for some one-on-one time.  “Alright then...” Jane trailed off, shooting a glance at Thor, who grinned at her.

“All right!” Tony said, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s do this!”

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

Several hours later found Darcy sprawled across a sofa in the Stark Tower penthouse, sipping on a cocktail that would have set her back half a day’s salary and listening to the Avengers swapping funny stories.  Thor and Jane had slipped out a little while earlier, for some private time.  Tony was their unofficial bartender, mixing up drink concoctions that Darcy had never heard of, but tasted amazing.  Meanwhile Clint was the most talkative of the group, regaling them all with stories and funny anecdotes.

At some point, Steve had wandered over and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa from Darcy, and now her feet, minus her huge clunky winter boots, were resting in his lap as the group laughed about an undercover op that Clint had been given.

“And then, somehow, the tub of hot fudge ended up all over the Ambassador’s suit.  Fortunately, he made such a big stink about how expensive his suit was and how _I’d_ have to pay for it, that when the guys who’d been chasing me came in, I’d managed to get myself a temporary alibi and they had no idea I’d been the one to steal their intel.” Clint said with a grin.  “So when I was finally back at S.H.I.E.L.D. getting debriefed, I told  Coulson that an ice cream sundae had been my accomplice in completing my mission--not that anyone believed me.” Darcy snorted into her glass at that, before shooting an amused glance at her boss, who simply rolled his eyes and gave that slight little half smile she’d grown accustomed to when he was amused.  

Darcy shifted a bit on the sofa, mindful of where her feet were.  Kicking Captain America in the balls might get her thrown into jain for treason, for all she knew.  Steve seemed unaware of her movements, however, as he polished off another slice of pizza.  She hadn’t really been keeping track, but Darcy was certain that Steve had eaten two whole large pizzas by himself, and yet he was still eating.  It was both impressive and slightly disgusting.  Then again, Thor had pretty much matched Steve, slice for slice up until he’d stolen Jane away for some alone time, so she wasn’t sure why she was so surprised.  Especially given she’d read his S.H.I.E.L.D. file and seen what the Super Soldier Serum had done to him and his metabolism.

Realizing he was being watched Steve froze for a moment mid bite, before glancing over and meeting Darcy’s eyes.

“Are you seriously still hungry?” Darcy asked, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“Ah, well, yeah. I mean, I’m not starving, but I could still keep going.” Steve answered sheepishly and Darcy couldn’t help the slight flutter she felt when she realized he was blushing again.  For someone who was so damn hot, he was incredibly self-conscious.  _It must be leftover from his pre-serum days_ , she mused to herself, _since no normal guy who looks like that doesn’t flaunt it every chance they get and exploit it to get what they want.  Rather like Storm does_ , Darcy thought, and then froze.  She stared at Steve a little harder than was typically socially acceptable until a throat clearing next to her pulled her from her thoughts.

“Care to share with the rest of the class, Darcy?  Or will what you’re thinking make the good Captain here blush like a schoolgirl?”  Tony waggled his eyebrows at her, which under any other circumstances would have made her crack up, but the thought that she was so focused on was pushing everything else out of her mind at the moment.

“Shut it, Tony!” Steve said, flushing pink again.  Disregarding the two men’s bickering, Darcy stood up and walked over to her bag and pulled out the StarkPad she’d received when she’d become Coulson’s assistant.

“Darcy?” Coulson asked softly, “What is it?” he asked from her side.  

“Just gimme a sec, ok boss man?” Darcy murmured, quickly tapping her commands into the Pad and waiting for the files to upload. Quickly doing a word query in each of the two files she’d pulled up, Darcy was simultaneously surprised and not surprised at what she found.  Shaking it off, she logged off her S.H.I.E.L.D. account and instead pulled up the pictures from the party last weekend, quickly scrolling though them until she found the one she was looking for.  Then she walked over to the giant smart screen Tony had installed.

“Jarvis?”  Darcy asked.  From behind her the bickering had stopped and despite not being a trained agent or super-spy, she could sense that everyone was suddenly waiting to see what was going on.

“Yes, Miss Lewis?” answered the AI immediately.

“Can you please pull up a picture of Captain Rogers in his dress uniform and display it on screen alongside the picture on my StarkPad.”

“Of course Miss Lewis,” Jarvis responded and moments later the two pictures were up on the big screen.  Seeing the two pictures, side by side was rather startling.  Johnny, done up in the zoot suit she’d selected for him was grinning in the picture on the left.  On the right was a photo of Steve from the forties dressed up in his impressively decorated uniform smiling as he shook someone politician’s hand.  Though one photo was in color and one was in black in white, the faces of the two men were nearly identical.

“Holy shit,” muttered Tony behind her.  Out of the corner of her eye, Darcy saw Steve stand next to her.  He was staring in surprise at the images on the screen.

“What I want to know,” Darcy started, “Is why nowhere in _either_ of their S.H.I.E.L.D. files, is there _any_ mentioning of the similarities.  There has to be some sort of connection, right?” she asked turning to Coulson, who had stepped up on her other side.

“Who is that?” Steve asked softly.

“That is Johnny Storm, aka The Human Torch and one quarter of the Fantastic Four.” Darcy said softly.  “I didn’t make the connection right away, since you’re built differently and your eyes and hair are different colors, but your face is almost identical.”

“Captain Rogers, would you like me to do a search to see if I can find a connection between yourself and Mr Storm?” Jarvis asked politely.

“I, uh, yes? Please.” Steve added, still showing his manners even when stunned to the core.  On her other side, her boss had whipped out his phone and was currently talking quickly into it.  Though she wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, he was only a foot away and Darcy could hear most of what he was saying.  

“--who the hell updated their files?  This is something we should have been aware of, before now... What I want to know is how the hell did our analysts miss something like this? My _assistant_ figured it out within 2 hours of meeting him and our genius-level, specially trained analysts couldn’t figure this out?....Once the Director hears about this you can bet your ass there’s going to be some changes made in your department, Reyes....That wasn’t a threat, it was a promise.” Coulson said with his serious face on before hanging up.  

 _Oooooh, burn!_ _Somebody’s in trouble when boss-man hangs up on them!_ Darcy thought with some smug satisfaction.  Some of the S.H.I.E.L.D. analysts were real dicks, so being one up on them was rather nice.

“Please tell me that Storm is your great-grandson, Cap, because that would be hilarious.” Tony said, trying to lighten up the tension in the room.  Darcy realized, rather belatedly, that Clint, Natasha, and Bruce had discreetly slipped from the room.  Tony of course, couldn’t do anything discretely or with tact and was still hanging around.

“You okay Steve?” Darcy asked softly.  He still looked rather stunned and Darcy realized she probably could have handled this a little better, but she’d been so amazed by the resemblance, she hadn’t really thought it through.

“Yeah, I just... Do you think we might actually be related?” Steve asked hopefully.  

“It’s definitely a possibility Captain.” Coulson answered. “Is there any chance Stark’s suggestion is true?” Coulson asked, far more tactfully than Tony had.

“No, I, um... I’m pretty sure he couldn’t be.” Steve muttered.

“Wait,” Tony said, interjecting himself into the conversation, _again_. “Are you still a _virgin?!”_ Tony said, grinning slightly. Steve’s whole face was pink, even the tips of his ears, and Darcy felt horrible for putting him into this situation.

“You don’t have to answer that Steve,” Darcy said with a scowl. “Get a clue and leave Tony. This conversation doesn’t need to include you.” Logically, she knew Steve could take care of himself, but Tony was drunk and being a jerk, and judging by his expression, Steve was feeling vulnerable.

“Hey, this is my Tower! I don’t have to leave if I don’t want to!” Tony protested.  Darcy had gotten good at reading people in the last few months, especially spending time with Coulson, and she’d learned that the best way to manipulate people into doing what you wanted was knowing how to motivate them.  So all she had to do was motivate Tony.

“Jarvis? Can you please dial Miss Potts’ number, for me?  I think it’s time she and I have a little chat.” Darcy said sweetly, not breaking her glare at Tony.

“Okay, okay, fine.  I’ll go, but that was some dirty chess there, Lewis. Seriously, dirty chess.” Tony muttered before walking out.

“I’m sorry, Steve.  I totally shouldn’t have done this with everybody around, I didn’t mean to make this tough for you.”

“That’s okay. I’m just--I thought all my family was dead... And now, I maybe have a relative, a distant one, but still.  It’s kinda nice thinking I might not be all by myself, anymore.” Steve said, wistfully.

“We’ll figure this out Captain, and as soon as we know, you’ll know. I’m kicking myself for not seeing it before, but as Darcy said, there’s just enough differences that it wasn’t so obvious.  Still, that was good work Darcy.”  Coulson said.  “I’m going to head out now, if you don’t need me for anything else?” he asked.  When both Darcy and Steve shook their heads, he waved farewell, before heading towards the elevators.

“Do you want me to leave?” Darcy asked softly, laying her hand on Steve’s arm.  She wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to be alone, especially since she felt like crap for dumping all of this on him so quickly.

“No, you don’t have to go. Unless...unless _you_ want to go.”  Steve said, rubbing the back of his neck.  Darcy noticed he seemed to do it when he was nervous or embarrassed, but she wasn’t sure why he’d be either of those things _now_.

“I’ll stay as long as you need me too, though I can’t promise I won’t fall asleep on you.  Do you want to put a movie on?” Darcy asked nodding towards the huge entertainment center built into the room.

“Yeah, that’d be swell.  Though, I don’t really know any current movies, so you’ll have to pick one.”

“I hear from our favorite Man in Black, you happen to be fond of ‘The Wizard of Oz’; do you want to watch that?”

“Yeah, that would be okay.  I haven’t watched it since, uh, well, nineteen thirty, uh, nine?” Steve said, his face screwing up as he tried to remember when the movie came out. 

“Sweet! You know, they have a musical on Broadway that’s supposed to be a sort of alternative prequel to the movie.  If you like, we can go see it sometime?  Not all guys are huge fans of musicals, so I didn’t want to write it into your To Do list, without talking to you first.” Steve laughed at that.  Confused, Darcy asked, “What’s so funny?”

“Ma’am, I was in a stage production set to music with dancing chorus girls. I’ve got no problem with musicals,” Steve said wryly. 

“Oh yeah...” Darcy said, flushing at forgetting that key piece of information.  “Well then, let’s follow the yellow brick road, Captain, and see where it takes us.” She smiled and held out her arm, and with a laugh, Steve took it before leading her to the sofa, where they sat down to the opening credits of the classic movie.

 

~~~ *** ~~~

 

It was two days later, and Darcy was sitting in a S.H.I.E.L.D. issued SUV next to Coulson who was driving.  They were on their way up to Westchester, to visit Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.  Prior to leaving, Coulson had briefed her on what to expect and given her copies of the files pertaining to the group known as the X-Men.  Much like Spiderman and the Fantastic Four, S.H.I.E.L.D had been aware of their existence and their activities before the invasion of New York, but had only recently become interested in enlisting their help for future incidents.  According to the files, everyone who attended Xavier’s school, as well as all the professors and members of the X-Men, were mutants.

The mutant situation, for lack of a better term, had been going on for quite a while.  As a Poli-Sci major, Darcy had followed the story with interest, mostly for the ramifications of mutant control policies and how they violated the constitution, regarding privacy and freedom rights.  As far as she knew, however, Darcy didn’t know anyone who _was_ a mutant. Not that she’d blame someone for keeping it hidden; the policies the government, and until recently, the president, had been trying to force on the mutant population were _barbaric_. Many were bordering on some of the atrocities committed against the Jewish in the second World War.

Having read the files of the primary members of the X-Men, so called because of their leader and head of the school, Charles Xavier, Darcy felt excited to get the chance to meet some of these new potential members for the ETD.  Specifically, Jean Grey, who was often the face of anti-mutant registration policy and reforms.  Darcy was excited at the chance to offer up her Poli-Sci knowledge in helping them to keep the government from enforcing regulations on mutants.

Now, however, since she was all briefed on her current mission--and _boy_ did she feel super-badass saying that!-- Darcy was composing a syllabus of sorts for Steve’s catch-up classes.  Now that she’d had a chance to talk to him and ask him about his interests, she’d come up with a general idea of how to do his classes.  Since he was currently moving all his belongings--which wasn’t much from what she’d seen--into Stark Tower, they’d decided to hold off on starting his classes until next week.  This way he could get settled in, and she could have an outline to present to Phil and Director Fury, to meet with their approval.

The hour long drive up to Westchester was nearly done and Darcy was getting antsy to get out of the car.  Usually when she was driving someplace, Darcy would play one of her customized play mixes to keep her occupied, but since Phil was driving, he’d chosen the music.  Darcy had nothing against modern jazz music, Kenny G aside, but it was making her sleepy when coupled with the lulling motions of the car.  Fortunately, according to their GPS, their exit was coming up in just a minute, so she’d be out of the car in no time.

Within ten minutes, they’d arrived at the front gates of the school.  Darcy stared at the ivy-covered heavy-duty wrought iron gates, with the giant X insignia in the center of them, as Phil hit the button for the intercom.  The impressive gates were flanked by ten foot high brick walls, also covered with ivy. Only about ten feet from the gate on the inside was a tall hedge, which Darcy figured must follow the edge of the gravel drive, keeping outsiders from catching any sort of glimpse onto the campus grounds.  _They sure take their security seriously here_ , Darcy thought, before remembering that there’d been an invasion of the school a few years ago by an anti-mutant extremist, William Stryker.  No doubt they’d beefed up what ever security they’d already had following that fun little incident.

Phil must have been given the all-clear, because he rolled his window back up as the massive gates swung inward.  Pulling forward, Phil followed the gravel drive, which curved sharply to the right upon entering, and ran for about twenty feet before it turned inward again, and when it did Darcy let out a slow whistle.  The school was a massive manor, since building seemed too inadequate a word for such a huge structure.  It was several stories high and made of large grey stones.  On one side of the building looked to be a multi-car garage and on the other what looked like basketball and tennis courts.  The drive went all the way up to the front entrance, where it circled a large fountain before meeting back up with itself.  The brick wall that surround the school stretched far out, showing that the property the school owned was expansive.

“Damn.  Now this is what I call a school!” Darcy said, trying to take in everything she saw.  Phil drove all the way up to a small turnout near the front door before putting their car into park.   
Once he’d turned the car off, he turned to Darcy.  “Are you ready?”

“Hell yes I am! This is going to be awesome!”  Darcy said with a grin, slipping her phone and her tablet into her bag.  With a nod, Coulson opened his car door, Darcy following suit. Giving her pencil skirt a tug, to straighten it out, Darcy stepped around the car to walk next to her boss.  Before they could knock on the front door, it swung open.  As they stepped inside, they were greeted by a group of people, all of whom Darcy could name from their pictures in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s files.  A smiling bald man, dressed in an impeccable three-piece suit, glided towards her on one of the most high-tech wheelchairs she’d ever seen.

“Hello, I’m Charles Xavier.  Welcome to our school.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First off, I’d like to apologize for the ridiculously late update. This should have been up several weeks ago, but a sports accident left me with a couple of dislocated fingers, which as you might imagine, made typing rather difficult. They are mostly better now, so I wanted to get this out to those of you who have been so kind as to review and leave me kudos. I really, truly, and sincerely appreciate it, and am really pleased at how well this has been received. This chapter was supposed to include all of Darcy & Phil’s trip to Westchester as well as Darcy’s first lesson with Steve, but that whole scene with Darcy noticing the similarities between Johnny and Steve came out of nowhere and once I started writing it, I really kind of liked where it was going. On the plus side, it means the beginning half of the next chapter is already written, so the next chapter shouldn’t take much longer for me to complete. It'll include the rest of the visit in Westchester, Jarvis' findings into Johnny & Steve's connection, and Darcy & Steve's first official lesson
> 
>  
> 
> Again, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, especially those of you who had some serious constructive criticism, as I’m sans Beta, so your advice is greatly appreciated!
> 
>  
> 
> UPDATE: This fic is on hiatus for the foreseeable future. I WILL be coming back to finish it, but when that will be, I don't really know. I'm sorry for the delay, but the computer which had multiple chapters as well as the outline for the story was stolen, and since getting a replacement for it, I've lost the plot for this fic. :(

**Author's Note:**

> Just getting things started here. The next few chapters will be build up for the return of the Avengers and then BAM! the action will be starting and so will the romance! ;)
> 
> Be patient with me please, this is my first Avengers work, and since I love the 'verse so much, I want to do right by it, which might take a little while. Next chapter will be out within the week, though, I promise.


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